FANTASY !!!!!…Hmmm…., already lost in thought. When we talk about fantasies the first thing

comes to mind are dirty thoughts and ideas guys and girls have about themselves, like i met a guy who had a fantasy about making love to a pregnant prostitue…how absurd. But really fantasies dont always have to be dirty, like a female friend of mine had a fantasy of getting married in place of work and having a ”keke napep” as her getaway vehicle, now thats far from dirty but it still is a fantasy.

Fantasies could play a vital role in a relationship and at the same time could be quite detrimental not just to the relationship but to the relationship but to the mind (as in the case of my friend and the pregnant prostitute) Sharing of fantasies between couples is a health way of strengthning the bond between them, where the lady feels safe letting her man in on her innermost desires, it brings a feeling of security and trust between them, where as some ladies might feel scared to tell their spouse exactly how she wants to be held and touched, for fear of rejection and being called dirty.

And for the guys, most guys have some very ”nasty” fantasies which they may feel uneasy sharing with thier partner. Bottom line, guys be open with your partners and please LISTEN, i know it’s hard but listen to the ladies, you might even hear what they really feel inside..their true fantasies. Hmmmm ! And ladies, take time to find out what your partner’s fantasies are, it might just make the relationships get more interesting.

Fantasies are also crazy ideas going through minds of individuals, most are usually left unsaid but often thought about. Reality and Fantasy are very close but what marks the difference is the action behind bringing the fantasy into reality. We all have fantasies over a lot of things not necessarily sexual urges but dreams, goals and desires for achievements in life.  But unfortunately, these fantasies which are good usually ends up as pictures in the brain which fades off with time.

 It has always been said that ” Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life “.  Whatever you feed your mind with, that is what it will act on.  I therefore beseech brethren, try as much as possible to feed your heart with all positive things in life because it determines to a large extent what becomes of everyone.

Stay Blessed and stay tuned …………………………………………….

Fine, everyone has a right to their own opinion on marriage, no one is a model or standard for marriage. Marriage is a thing that comes with the mind. You can never enjoy your relationship if you are not psychological ready for it.  Marriage is an institution ordained by God and the essence of marriage has been explained in the Bible, it explains, a man ( male/female) should find a partner if he cannot hold his body.  Therefore, if you have control over your sexual urges, you might decide not to marry and vice versa.

Nnamdi (34 yrs old) was a very interesting contributor to tonight’s show, he pointly expressed his reasons for not settling down for marriage. He is single and he enjoys his bachelorhood and he is presently not interested in trading that for any marriage commitments. He expresses his stand on why people imposes marriage on themselves, to him, Life is fun and meant to be enjoyed and also, things must be done one thing after the other. He further says, anyone could say whatever they like about him, but his fact remains that, it is his life and he has the right to live it the way it pleases him.

 We never really examine marriage if it’s something that’s for us. Instead we just assume it’s the natural next step and right and we fall right in line.
Do we get married because we have legitimate, real reasons, or do we do it just because that’s what society, and especially the church, tell us that we should do? If you get down to the heart of the matter, almost everything that one could do inside a marriage, could also be done outside of a marriage, whether in a committed partnership, or in some cases, just a “regular” relationship.
However, that’s a very worldly mindset to have, don’t you agree? God did create marriage. He created it in order that we might perpetuate a Godly legacy through our families and saw that the marriage would be the best means of coming to that end. He did create man and woman to be monogamous, despite what current events and common human behaviors might tell you. We know that a three stranded cord is not easily broken. When those three strands are composed of God, a man, and a woman, each committed to the other wholeheartedly, there is a bond, a covenant that is formed that cannot be broken. That bond is marriage.

Questions to ask yourself before getting involved !
Why do we want to get married?
What do we have in common?
Am i frank with my partner?
How is my partner as a person?
Do i hope to change him/her after marrige?
What purpose or fulfillment would it add to your life that you would not otherwise have?
What things do you feel can only be realized within the context of a marriage?

 ***** Guard Your Heart With All Diligence For Out Of It Flows The Issues Of Life*****

                                            *******HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE*******

Quite a number of Men and Women have complained bitterly of this sad acts. What are the reasons responsible for these kinds of acts? Please enlighten us;

Phone Chats:

Olaitan: Polygamy is not a good thing. Since my Dad married a second wife, things has not been going fine in my family any more.  It has been hard for myself, my mom and my  siblings.

Leonard: My Dad is simply a mess up, he is a successful man, works the Julius Berger company, but since he took a second wife, everything turned upside down in the family. He neglected my mom and my siblings making it very hard for us to pay our tuition fees, feeding and clothings. why he chose to get a second wife, we dont know. I just know how some men reason, how can you have kids still growing up and all of  a sudden decide to abondon them and settle down with another woman.. It is very disheartening. Polygamy is indeed a bad thing, it has greatly affected my family. I am 25 years old, and its hard for me to go back to school now because i have to help my mom and take care of my siblings.

Nnamdi: Fathers should cultivate the habit of an effective communication with their kids, it helps to a large extent in their social lives. Most expects much from their kids without impacting positive things in to them. It doesn’t work like that, you can’t give what you don’t have. Charity they say starts at home.

Dayo: I am from a polygamous family of 4 wives, my Mom is the 3rd wife. My Mom  moved out of my father’s house with us when we were still young. When i asked my Dad why My Mom had to move out of his house, he said nothing, just as if nothing happened. Since my Mom left him, he never cared about our wellbeing, he neither called nor sponsors our education. But i thank God for his grace, despite how he treated us, i didn’t keep a grudge with him. I forgave him since the day we moved out of his house. During my youth service year, i had a strong feeling to go and check up on my Dad, and when he saw me, he addressed me as if we had been living together all the while, he didn’t talk about how i have been coping with my life, instead, he was telling me about some pains he is having in his leg.  Before i finished my NYSC, i got the news that my Dad had passed away. I was surprised, but at the same time i was happy because, if i had kept grudges with him, i wouldn’t have been able to make peace with him. I am married now with kids.  I don’t totally agree that it has to do with polygamy, it has to do with individuals. I simply think My Dad had acted based on his own understanding of raising kids..

Stephen: I want to advice those who still have their fathers to appreciate them. I lost my Dad when i was in secondary and i miss having him around.

Mr X: With due respect, i want to disagree with Stephen, he is just being myopic about his experience with fathers. I have one of the most useless Dad in the world. I don’t want to go into details. He should speak for himself and generalise his experience with his Dad.

Funmi: I don’t know where to start. My father is never around, he travels a lot. He had in one of his trips. We marked his 70th birthday for him and he doesn’t appreciate it at all. He says we have not done anything for him. This is a man that has never been around to take care of his wife and kids. My Mom sponsored me through school and my other siblings. He is just an absentee Dad.

Fathers’ absence is pathological and severely affects the abandoned son’s capacity for self-esteem and intimacy. Many adult kids abandoned by their fathers have difficulties developing and sustaining self-esteem, forming lasting emotional attachments, recognizing their feelings or being expressive with their adult partners and children. These men must turn their attention toward their absent fathers and resolve the mystery of these absence to ensure that their current intimate relationships can succeed. The reasons for fathers’ absence are paramount as this dictates the effects on their kids.

******CALL IN FOR COUNSELLING ON THIS NUMBER 0813900900******

GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE BECAUSE OUT OF IT FLOWS THE ISSUES OF LIFE

Mothers are meant to be the closest to the kids of the parents. But what if your mother turns out to be the problem of your life, what would you do and how will you handle the situation?

Today’s discussion is basically for people having or have had unpleasant relationships with their mothers…

Phone Chats:

Chioma: I and my Mother had a wonderful relationship, though we fight, quarrel but we  are still best of friends. She is late now, she died on my birthday. She suffered from diabetes, broken hip and blindness. My Mom was a great woman, supportive caring but she could be a pain in the butt sometimes. I just want to use this media to tell everyone out there to make peace with their Mothers’ in case they are having problems with them. They should know that their Mothers’ love them and they must be loved in return. Parents are meant to scold their kids to bring out the best in them.  I was with my Mom when she passed away, i miss her so much and love her so much.

Nkechi: My Mom is a very pleasant mother, she has always been there for me when i need her. She is the best in the world. She was with during the delivery of my first kid. I have no bad experience with my Mom.

Remi: My Mom raised 7 kids all by herself, our Dad left our Mom a very long time ago. My Mom was just a teacher, she lived her life for us so that we could have the best of education so as to have a bright future. I appreciate her so much.

Ogoh: I dont really have problems with my Mom, but My Mom always give my Dad problems and as a result they quarrel almost every time. My friends and my Mom says am too naughty and i know i acquired the naughty nature from my Mom from the  concurrent quarrels and fights she had with my Dad.

Anonym: My died 2 weeks ago and i have been finding it so hard to believe that she is gone. We quarrel once a while. But when she passed away in an auto crash, it dawned on me that you don’t appreciate what you have until you loose it. Deep within me, i feel hurt because i didnt get the opportunity to appreciate her more than how i have been to her.

Anony: I have a very terrible relationship with my Mom. My Mom had me outside wedlock when she was just 16 yrs old, I grew up with my Father and her family. My Mom doesnt care about me, i even went out of my way to look for her, and when she saw me, she wasn’t emotional about it, she was just there staring at me like some stranger from somewhere. I felt so bad about it. I just wonder what could have happened to make her treat me with so much disdain. I feel so much dislike for her now, because i cant comprehend why a mother wouldn’t care about her own child.’

Anon: I have a crude relationship with my Mom, she treats me with so much disrespect and always wants to be bring the old traditional values into my lifestyle. I cant go out to see my friends, let alone recieve visitors, even she scolds me or beats me up if she sees me with a male friend. She is just a freak, she turned my Dad against me and also turned me against my Dad. I don’t know why she is doing this to me.

Yemisi: I am from a family with 6 kids, but my Mom is not just the pleasant type. I give her so much trouble, we are just so incompatible. She is late now, and i was made to understand by my siblings that i have always given her problems. She travelled abroad to spend time with my sisters in the USA, but she took ill over there and died. When i heard the news, i was heartbroken and cried so bitterly because i was keeping malice with her when she left the country for the USA. I never knew i loved her until she died. During the lying in state when her corpse was brought back to Nigeria, i was just staring at her and crying because i didn’t have the opportunity to make peace with her. Up till now, i still feel bad with myself, it is a stigma i have to live with. People should learn to forgive anyone that offends them.

Chineye: Chioma the first caller is my Sister. I always quarrel with my Mom, we fight often, i caused her the broken hip that led to her death. But i am grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to make peace with her. Her last 2 weeks was very pleasant, we grew so close and got to talk about so many things that we have never had the chance to talk about.  It was actually 2 weeks of pleasant reconciliation. I miss her so much.

*** My mother is just a self centered woman, all she cares about is nothing but herself. She is neither to nice to me, my siblings nor our father. My relationship with her has always been the patchy type. If she dies today, i doubt if i would be moved, because she has not impacted me in any way. My only fear for her is that, if she dies now with her kind of  attitude, it’s not likely she makes heaven. I am married and have 2 kids that i love so much as well as my husband. My mother had a very caring mother, but its unexplainable her attitude towards her kids and husband.

Chaz B: I have an unpleasant aunt, she is so terrible that we nicknamed her HELL RAZOR !!

**** Lots of things could be responsible for the negative attitudes of some mothers, it could be from a doctrine/trend transferred generationally****

These could help to build a better relationship with mothers;

Think of them as a fellow adults or kids, rather than as your parents,

Talk to your mothers as friends,

Have a good sense of humour,

Tell her what bothers you,

look for common activities,

Be honest about who you are and what you want,

Express your appreciation for all your mother have done for you,

******CALL IN FOR COUNSELLING ON THIS NUMBER 0813900900******

GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE BECAUSE OUT OF IT FLOWS THE ISSUES OF LIFE

Is it really over when cheating spouses are in love with other men/women? Have you ever wondered what makes cheating spouses cheat in the first place? They certainly didn’t get married with the intention of being unfaithful to their spouse, so why did they do it?. It is fairly common for complex cheating spouses to give up on a relationship the moment things start to become a little difficult.

Rather than admitting and accepting that there  is a problem in their marriage, they look for someone else to fulfil their needs. These needs could be anything from a physical connection to strictly intellectual relations leading to an emotional affair. Affairs take place because one spouse’s needs are no longer met by their partner. Cheating spouses are attracted to someone else who will (temporarily or permanently) meet their needs. Spouses cheat because of problems in their relationship because something is missing, passion is no more there, partner is feeling lonely, people find someone who treats them better or appreciates them more than their current spouse.

Phone Comments:

Arizona: Some husbands are too busy to give attentions to their wives, everything is not about money, but these women have feelings too and when their husband is not available to satisfy their emotional needs or physical needs, they therefore go out to have affairs with other men like their drivers, gate men or some guys in their neighbourhood. Men must create time for their wives to make them feel important and loved.

Ade: I don’t agree with Arizona, because the husbands are not available is not a reason for women to cheat on their men. The truth is that any woman or man involved in such acts already has the tendency to cheat even before marriage. Women that cheats on their husbands are simply a bad woman.

Obi: Some women cheat on their men just to get back at their men. All in the intention to pay them back in their own coins. A friend of mine cheated on her husband and said she felt better doing it.

Peter: A lady with dignity wouldn’t indulge herself in such act.

Goddy: Some women cheat on their husband because they cant take proper care of them.

Kemi: Am cheating on my husband and i am still going to keep cheating on him. You might want to ask me why,, well, the marriage was an arranged thing, i was never in love with this guy, my parents imposed him on me for some reasons best known to them. But i have a man i was dating before the marriage and he is actually the one i am with. My husband is never around, he doesn’t treat me like a wife, he doesnt make love to me,, so what do you expect me to do? I have to find my own happiness. I would have divorced him if not for my parents. I once got pregnant for him, but got rid of it without his knowledge.

Evelyn: I am passing this comment on kemi’s issue. You can’t be in a relationship if you are not in love with the man you are married to.  I will suggest she breaks up with  the man for her to be completely happy. Marriage is not supposed to be a do or die affair.

Tony: No one should blame kemi for no reason. I had a similar problem too, i dated a married woman and things got really ugly between the husband, the wife and myself. It was the grace of God that saved me.

Joy: I applaude Kemi for her courage to publicly declare that she is cheating on her man. Lots of women suffer in marriages because they lack inadequate counselling on marriage before getting married.

Ogon (not real name): I am a relationship with no happiness. Am married with 3 kids, and for over 6 months now, i have been considering cheating on my man. He cheats on me and doesn’t care about how i feel. He doesn’t care about me and the kids, if not that i have a well paying job, i wouldn’t have been able to take care of myself and cater for the kids.  I have feelings too, and i have no one to satisfy my own feelings.

Anonymous: Am married with 2 kids, and am considering cheating on my man.

Chaz B: When your marriage is not working, does cheating on your man solves the problem?

Anonymous: Its not so, but women are emotional and we need someone to satisfy the emotional desires. Well i have myself to blame in this relationship. I know this man well enough before i got married to him. I am more like a prisoner in my own house, i can’t go out, admit visitors. I feel so used and wasted.

Anonym (male): I have been married for 17 months now but i have a problem with my wife. She is just a pain in the butt, she doesn’t give me happiness at all. My point is that, it is not only men that makes women cheat in a relationship, women are responsible too.

Francis: Some ladies are sex freaks and would get down with any man that is sex appealing to them, so are some guys also.

Femi: Could be as a result of upbringing of individuals.

******COUNSELLING IS COMING UP THIS SATURDAY… call in for details on this number 0813900900******

1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Hebrews 13:4.

**** Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life ****

 23/10/09  Phone logs;( In the House was a Pastor and a Lawyer)

Brown Sugar:  I am not married and i don’t want divorce when am married. But does the pre-nuptial thing works in Nigeria.

Lawyer: The pre-nuptial act is the western thing, but it is gradually finding its way into our cultural values in Nigeria.

Eyitoyo: I express sympathy for women caught in this web. Women are beginning to see things differently, take for instance, the lady Sugar Brown above. We have lost our traditional values and not cultivating the western values. I will advice our women to stay connected to God. If you are not satisfied in your relationship, instead of cheating, you should just call it quit.

Basirat: My husband after a marriage of over 21 years comes home just to tell me he wants a divorce without any good reason. He hasnt ever complained of anything. Please, what do you think could be responsible for this?

Lawyer: I think this is a family problem or individual differences. You should try to sit him down and talk things out with him.

Anonymous: How come is it that when it is the Woman caught cheating, the Men would want divorce but when the Man is caught cheating, he wouldn’t suggest divorce. I am going through divorce right now. This is not about christianity but emotional abuse.

Chaz B: Children from divorced homes are likely to exhibit the following characteristics;

Academic frustrations , Agressiveness , Pre- marital affairs, Problem with authorities, Low self esteem and so on,

Lawyer: Marriage is a union between a man and a woman coming together to live as husband and wife. Break up is allowed in a marriage if there are in-reconciable matters. But think twice because of its effects on the kids.

Obi: I am married with 4 kids but i am very unhappy. I have been married for 14 years now and my husband had abandoned me for 10 years now. Its so hard for me with the 4 kids, fine i got married very early. I am confused, i don’t know what to do and divorce is not an option for me.

Anonymous 2: How long can one wait to admit divorce? What does the bible say about divorce?. My husband has been away for 2 years now with his girlfriend. We are married both legally and in church, I want to know what the church and the court says about divorce and on what ground can divorce be admitted.

**** Most women get married for wrong reasons and for selfish gains and that is why there are so many complications in marriages. Materialism has bitten so hard into our women.

Tope: I am married for 13 years and am happy though i have issues am dealing with privately and i am not considering divorce. Marriage is very complicated, it is full of ups and downs. All married people should stand up to their responsibilities and everything would be fine.

People should just remain single instead of cheating in their marriages.

Counselling starts 12pm tomorrow at the Amazing Plaza, ligali ayorinde street.

No license is required in parenting. Being able to produce a child does not make you a parent, but being able to train them, cater for them and teach them through the manners and approaches to life.

Call Logs :

Ay: Discipline should start from the parents because children learn from their parents by watching, listening and studying their way of life.

Ty: Strictness of parents makes it impossible or difficult for kids to express themselves because fear is separating them from their parents. Most parents impose situations on their kids, instead of asking out the kids opinion on issues or what he/she would like to do in life.

Funmi: I have 2 kids and i am married and we are doing great, but seriously, parenting is not an easy job. I and my husband scold our kids together, my husband does the spanking and i do the talking. We make sure we give them the basic things needed to be comfortable. But you know, kids could be a very nasty pain the butt, but am managing. The truth is, lead your kids by example cos they are watching you. To raise kids effecctively, you need a supportive partner.

**** Parents should give their the liberty to express themselves****

Abayomi: Raising kids isnt an easy task. Therefore, parents should have a set plan in raising kids. If you scold your kid, you must let your kids know the reasons for scolding them or reasons why they are being restricted from doing somethings.

****” raise your child in  the way he should grow and when he is old, he will not depart from it“****

Silas: Parenting has to do more with the parents. What you dont have, you cant give. Therefore, if parents have bad values and morals, automatically, the kids emulates their values also, because they are learning from them and living together. I appreciate my mom for teaching me how to cook, when i was young, i thought she was punishing me, but now, its clear to me why she wanted me to know how to cook,  and it is no other reason but for me to be able to take care of myself. Parenting is all about what you are made up of that is what is impacted into the kids.

**** Ephesians 5:21****
**** Spare the rod and spoil the child****
How do we reconcile kids and parents encouraging negatives values ?

It all still bores down to parenting. If there is no proper upbringing for a child when growing up, no doubt, he will exhibit bad morals and transfer these same ill morals to the coming generation and it goes on and on until it is checked. This as a result, poses problems with individuals, a group of people and the society at large.

Janet: I am a single parent and i am not too happy with it. Maybe if my parents were together and had brought me up the proper way, i wouldnt have ended up being a single mother.  Alot of parents dont lecture their kids on sex education. I have a daughter and i wouldnt want her to lead a frustrating lifestyle like mine, therefore, i am teaching her the right things, keeping her busy with productive lifestyle and how to be a good person in life.

Idris: I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. There is one particular issue we seize to address. The western lifestyle we emulate now has caused a lot of problems in our society because both parents work now and spend little time with their kids. Most parents keep their kids with neighbours, maids, caretaker and so on. When the right attention are not given to the kids, how do you expect them to relate or behave?. We should go back to our cultural values, both parents shouldnt be working when raising kids, the mother should spend more time with the kids, while the husband caters for the family.

Tips for Good Parenting;

–If you love your kids, put yourself first.
–Kids flourish when they have better and comfortable parents, not parents struggling with survival, depression and etc.
–Make right choices by putting priorities in place. Do the right thing and the right time.
–Invest in yourself, take care of yourself so you can take good care of kids and be a role model to them.

Henry: We talk about so many immoral things in our society. It all starts from the family. Unfortunately, many parents produce kids that they cant cater for and the kids is left to woes of the streets. What would you expect of such child?. Parents should learn to lead their kids by examples. Family values is nomore working in our society. People dont care about marriage values nomore, most just want to have kids somehow and continue living their lives. I would advice people should not just raise kids if they donot know what Parenting is all about. Touts on the streets werent born like that, they learnt that way of life in the enviroment where they grew up. That tells us how much what we teach our kids affects their way of life.

**** All values seems lost in our society, awards are given to criminals, noone cares anymore where people make their money as long as they have millions to throw around. The family system in the country is under attack and a very serious action should be taken to address te parenting issues or else, we are looking forward to welcoming a more dangerous generation****

**** Guard your heart with all diligence cos out  of it flows the issues of life****

The CD’s of  Power of Positive Parenting by Pastor Tayo Adeyemi are available at Inspiration FM, Amazing Grace Plaza, Ligali Ayorinde Street, Victoria Island, Lagos.

Cost of all 6 CD’s is N3,200 and i consider it a worthwhile investment. Let’s attack this battle on our kids and families with knowledge.

Phone log:

Proudly King Tj : I have heard and seen lots of cases related to this. Its so unfortunate that there are still mothers in this age that still encourages their daughters to go into prostitution all in the name of making money. These kind of mothers are usually the materialistic type, those that will never add values to themselves nor their children and they want the best things of life.

Dumedi: It is probably because of the economic situation in the country.

Chuks: Am surprised you are not aware of this things Chaz B. I have seen many of these cases in the eastern part of the country. I donot agree that the economy has anything to do with this, it simply has to do with moral values of individuals.

Anonymous : This is a lower version of whats been happening long time ago. There has been cases where parents sell their properties to send their daughters abroad  for prostitution so they could make money in foreign currencies and send down to them here in Nigeria. This issue still bores down to moral values and not economic problems.

Naomi: Everyone have their own life to live and rights to their own opinions. Therefore parents should not try to make money through their daughters.  Because they have suffered failed dreams or being unable  to achieve success in their time, doesnt mean they should put pressure on their daughters in order to make money from other men.

Silas: There is no way you can talk about this issues without telling it on the economy. But moral values still remains. Ladies should not accept pressure from parents, instead, they should think of positive things that will fetch them money.

Sunkanmi: This issue is not a new thing. The guy shouldnt go for the girl, i will advice him to just take a walk. What if the guy goes broke? The mother would still come back and persuade the girl to go into prostitution. Mothers should not influence their daughters into doing wrong things.

Kingsley: We can determine our actions but not the cosequences. Supposing the lady in question dies, wont the family or the parents continue with their own lives?. I would advice the lady to ignore all the pressures coming from her family and concentrate on her life.

Busola: It is not wrong for the lady to fend for her family but what i am against is for her trying to fend for herself and her family by selling her body to other men for pleasure and money.

Korede: First thing, for the guy, as long as he loves the lady, he should talk to her once again and advice her and observe her if she yeilds to his advice. And for the lady,she should take charge of her own life,, her mother is just a selfish person.

Supo: Advice for the guy, he should settle down, ask himself a very challenging question that if things turns out wrongly with him, how will he cope with the lady and the lady’s mother?

Melvin: The lady is into prostitution and that is the truth. The guy should know that from the lady’s family has a generational history of prostitution for her mother to be advising her to be meeting other men for money. Charity begins at home they say.

Anonymous 2: It is a habitual thing the mother is trying to put her daughter into. My advice for the guy is just to take a walk. He is not yet married to the lady and all these unpleasant issues are rising. How much more when they eventually get married?. The mother is not adding any positive values to her daughter. No doubt, after much persuasion from the mother, the lady will listen to her mother. The guy should just brace himself up and look somewhere else for a better partner.

Samson: If he really loves the lady, he should do some spiritual works on her, like taking her for counselling, prayers.

BrownSugar: The guy should just take a walk. For a mother to want her daughter to go all out to  get money from men. Them am sorry, that is family of prostitutes. So guy, take a walk.

Nneka: First, the guy should take a walk. It is obvious that the mother wants the daughter to go into prostitution but the guy should advice the lady on what her mother is introducing her into.

Irene:  It is either the guy walks away or settles it. If he is ready to take it on, he has to take it God in prayer. But if he truely loves this lady, he should introduce to some female and male friends that could influence her positively.  But seriously, he shouldjust walk away. This issue is far beyond love, this is reality and a real life situation. He should make a positive impact in the lady’s life even if he is going to leave her for good.

Amos: It is sad that the lady is allowing her mother to influence her negatively at her age. She should just try and take charge of her own life. And for the guy, take a walk !!.

Dayo: I had a friend that suffered same fate also. If the lady is a christian, take her to a living church for proper counselling.

Helen: The lady might not know what she’s doing or going into is wrong, she might just think she is doing a favour for her family.

Bunmi: The guy should just take a walk and find someone better.

Chaz B: Thanks for your advises and comments, the guy is listening also and by now he should know what’s good for him. Thanks for your time everybody and God bless.

Finally: Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life.

Phone Logs;

Anonymous:  Before i got married, i had dated married men just to satisfy my materialistic affection. But now that i am married, i have this bad feeling that keeps pricking me that young ladies out there would dating my husband.  Because i know within me that what goes around comes around. I keep praying to God for forgiveness.

Tripple X : I am a loving guy and i attend to the ladies needs, i am supportive and caring. So tell me why wont the ladies flock all around me? . But the truth of the matter is, if a lady gets involved with you because of the material things you provide for her, then you are in for the wrong woman.

Desmond:  Whatever you sow, you will reap. Its as simple as that.

Bimbo:  for the ladies, ask God for directions and mercies when it comes to relationships. Don’t ever involve yourself with a married man, because when you get married, you wouldn’t be happy to find out your husband is having an affair with some young girls outside matrimony. Therefore, do unto others as you want them to do to you.

Lanre: Its unfortunate to find out that some so called Men of God take advantage of their ministries to commit all sorts of attrocities with young ladies.

Etineh: Has a younger sister dating a married pastor and the younger sister doesn’t care despite the fact that everyone knows about it.

Chaz B : Concerned men of God should read the books of Revelation in the Bible.

Daniel : Ladies of nowadays are not ready to build up a relationship with an aspiring young man, instead, they look around for rich and made men who can satisfy their needs, and consequently, they end up been used and jilted, sadly. 

Chaz B: Its amazing how some ladies feel comfortable when a married man tells them he would leave or send his wife away so as to bring them to the house.  Ladies should think , and ask themselves this question… Do they expect to be happy in their own marriage with the man?

Anonymous : Found out that my  husband is involved in serious affairs outside marriage but i didn’t know all the while. I am still living with him because of my daughter,,, or else, i can’t stand living with him.

Chaz B : Please read the book of James chapter 1

Peter : the toxic relationship is 2-way thing, both the man and the woman are both to be blamed.

Grace: The affairs these ladies  go into, sadly, they don’t know the negative implications it has on them. They are just like batteries, the more it is used, they more it weakens and looses value. My advice to married women and single ladies is that, always keep good looks, dress nice, because you have to always keep your man attracted to you..

Tunde : There is a high level of moral decadence in our society. Ladies should add values to themselves instead of looking for a man to take care of them. No man is interested in settling with a liability, even though they have affairs with you.

Yvonne: It is all about feeling loved. But the trust of the matter is that,, Dating a married a wrong. What is bad is bad, it has no other name other than BAD.

Chaz B : Guard your mind with all your heart because out of it flows the good things of life.

Is a mother’s relationship with her son all that different than her relationship with her daughter? Definitely, mothers and daughters share a lot while mothers and sons start out being different, and they continue to be different as time passes. They are raised in different cultures, so children grow up with a “Male Code” and a “Female Code.” Mothers have to make the effort to learn about the “Male Code.”

The old adage “like father, like son” needs correcting. More appropriate is “like mother, like son.” For the mother-son connection determines to a great extent not only what sons think about themselves but also what they think about women in general. Indeed, wise women have always known that the best way to determine the quality of a man is to evaluate his relationship with his mother. There’s nothing new about this. It has been known for centuries that mothers and sons share a special bond. This does not mean, by any means, that mothers love their sons more than their daughters. But the mother-son connection seems to be under armed by a maternal attachment that is not duplicated elsewhere.

A strong mother-son relationship starts with consistency, patience, and emotional closeness, which are important for all babies, and the process is the same for boys and girls. Be aware of cultural or family messages that would pressure you to distance from your son when he is very young. Accept the fact that boys have a different communication style. Respect your son’s need for emotional space. Be willing to overcome the fundamental differences of male/female in order to communicate.

The first smile that a baby sees, the first voice that he recognizes, is that of his mother. As he grows older, his mother and her relationships with men — husband, boyfriend, brother, father and friends — are the first and most compelling examples of how a man interacts, or should interact, with a female. “Mothers are the first and most constant expression of what a woman is,” says Ronn Elmore, Ph.D., a minister, family counselor and author of several books on relationships. “A boy’s view of the world is affected by what the mother has demonstrated.”

And if the appropriate identity is not nurtured, it will not spring forth. Family therapists say that many of the problems that women have with men can be traced to how men were reared by their mothers. Considering the great number of  who are born out of wedlock to impoverished, uneducated and often very young women, it is easy to blame societal ills, such as public education and drug-infested neighborhoods. However many negative environmental factors could be neutralized by mothers and parents in general taking steps to steer their sons (and daughters) in a more positive direction.

The mother’s romantic interests also influence how a son eventually will interact with women. “A son feels that what you say about men, you are saying about him,” continues Dr. Elmore. “Mothers who constantly idolize men or who constantly put men down are sending the wrong messages and images of the boy about himself,” he says. “It is important that a mother do as much as she possibly can to let her son see her engaged in a loving, positive relationship with a man. That’s how sons learn how to give love. Mothers can’t show that alone… The longer the relationship, the more consistent it is, the more committed the relationship, then the better it is for the son.”

However, some mothers are so over protective the child becomes dependent. Ironically, this dependency negatively affect the son’s development. Sometimes they shirk responsibility because they have never bad to be responsible; when made mistakes, mom made excuses. This dependency carries over into the son’s relationships with women. “There is the belief that no woman can take care of my son as well as I can,” says Dr. Berry. “A mother takes note of how her son’s children are cared for, how meals are cooked, how the house is cleaned. She is concerned about her son’s welfare. Ideally you are supposed to raise your children to grow up and move out on their own so that they can take care of themselves. Frequently, men will remain dependent on their mothers, and mothers enable this to happen. Mothers don’t cut the cord. They become resources for their sons… Some men believe that only their mothers can do it the right way. For instance, they say to their wives, `I want it to taste like mama’s fried apples.’”

Some mothers, unwittingly and sometimes unconsciously, try to replace departed husbands with sons. Jawanza Kunjufu, Ph.D., gives a hypothetical situation in which a divorced mother reasons that her 13-to-16-year-old son can help move furniture, repair the car, do most of the physical work around the house. “Some mothers like this arrangement,” says Dr. Kunjufu, a noted author who runs a family counseling service in Chicago. “So they encourage the son to remain at home until he is 40. He never has to leave. That’s why some males never marry. They can shack with their girl friends, and when she gets upset and wants to put him out, he can always return home to his mother.”

Dr. Kunjufu goes on to say that some mothers make similar mistakes when their sons are even younger. For instance, a single mother might tell her 9-year-old son that he is the man of the house. “It is unfair to put that responsibility on a 9-year-old boy, to tell him he’s a man,” says Dr. Kunjufu. “Secondly, many boys will believe this, which means that the mother had better not have her boyfriend come over to spend the night because he is the man of the house, and he’s not going to like that.”

In an effort to have an intimate, loving relationship with their sons, many women, adds Dr. Elmore, mistakenly turn their sons into mother’s confidant and pal. “And that is something that works to the disadvantage of the relationship,” he says. “It works against the boy developing because it teaches him he is responsible for women rather than he is responsive to women. He feels he has to take away a woman’s hurt and pain. When he is an adult and into his own relationships, he pulls away from women, when he is not able to provide that kind of counsel. He feels that if his adult mother is so immature and needy, that tends to form his definition of what women are all about. It results in him having less respect for women.”

Counselors also point out that mothers often have a double standard for how they rear and discipline their children. “Some mothers raise their daughters and mother their sons,” Dr. Kunjufu explains. “They make their daughters come in early but not their sons. They make their daughters do indoor chores — washing the dishes, making dinner, sweeping — things that must be done daily, whereas the sons have the `outdoor’ chores — emptying the garbage, cutting the grass, etc. — which are done about once a week.” He points out that mothers often make daughters study and do homework, whereas they don’t press their sons to do the same.

The discrepancy could be due to observations of how the mother and her brothers were reared. Or it could be that the father, if one is present in the home, doesn’t want the son involved in domestic chores. It also could be the fear of instilling “feminine qualities” in the son. “Some single mothers feel that if they have their sons do domestic chores and study, it will make them too feminine,” says Dr. Kunjufu.

“Tough love is critical,” says Dr. Kunjufu. “And some mothers, unfortunately, do not want to give their sons tough love. I think that God designed the family perfectly with a father and a mother. One [the father] primarily looks at the law, and the other [the mother] looks at grace. But when the law is missing, then unfortunately many times boys get grace only and they begin to take advantage of it. So a single mother has got to understand that with the father not being there, she has to give tough love and lay down the law.”

Dr. Elmore adds that mothers should give sons options along with discipline in an effort to teach them decision-making rather than how to passively follow instructions. For instance, it can be made clear that if grades don’t improve, then sports and social activities must be curtailed. “You don’t want to cut off the freedom to make independent decisions and learn self-management,” says Dr. Elmore. “A  boy who doesn’t master self-management ends up in prison with another set of role models.”

He also says that with boys, criticism is not as effective as rewarding good behavior. “Behavior that you reward is the behavior that he repeats,” says Dr. Elmore. “Approval is a great discipline factor for boys.”

Dr. Berry emphasizes that mothers should start early talking to their sons about what is expected of them. She says they should be given responsibilities and taught how to take care of themselves — how to shop, cook, wash dishes, do laundry, get the car repaired. “Tell them that they are expected to make good grades and go to college,” she advises. “Teach them how to get a job, to earn money, and then teach them to manage their money. Let them know they are expected to get their own places, and then take care of themselves rather than depending on someone else to do it.”

Another challenge for mothers in particular is encouraging sons to communicate effectively. “It is important for mothers to talk to their boys, but also to listen to what they have to say,” says Dr. Elmore. “We tend to let the boys get away with being non verbal whereas we encourage girls to talk. Listen to the son as though what he is saying is extremely important, even if you disagree. Listen, and then comment and correct, if necessary.”

Nearly every mother knows how hard it can be to communicate with her son. Sometimes it seems as her son grows older, he grows more distant. How can we get our sons to talk to us?
Don’t try to approach your son like you would your daughter. Wait and watch for cues that your son is willing to talk. Ease into a conversation slowly and carefully. Give him something to keep his hands busy while he talk. Don’t make an emotional or dramatic response. Remember the “male code.” Let him choose the time to talk.

Counselors point out that many mothers have difficulty finding the right balance of love and discipline. “You can’t be all discipline and no fun and love, but it can’t be all fun and no discipline,” Dr. Elmore advises. “Sons notice this balance between strength and softness… If a mother does the job right, what she can expect is the son growing up and away from her, becoming increasingly independent of her. This can be traumatic for a mother, but it means that she did right rather than wrong.”

What about single mams? If there is no father figure living in the house to help a son feel “manly,” can a single mother ever hope to succeed with her son?

Whether single or married, the mother-son relationship is very important, and single mams can be just as successful as a couple in raising boys. It just takes a very conscious effort to understand and practice the “male code.” Don’t solve problems for him. Let him find “manly” ways to solve his problem. Also, be sure there are positive, trustworthy males in his life to add to what you do: grandparent, teacher, adult family friends, etc.

A mama’s boy who grows up to be a responsible, caring and committed  man, one who respects women and makes a contribution to society, is more than enough to make his mother proud.