MARRIAGE – HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER

Thursday, August 19, 2010, 20:04

This news item was posted in Family, In Focus, Marriage category and has 24 Comments so far.

You say “I do” to marriage vows with the sincerest intent to be married “til death do us part.” In other words, you expect to be “happy ever after,” but in order to attain this goal, newlyweds must have done their homework. What is the definition of “happy ever after” to each of you? Everyone has a different definition and vision and if you haven’t exchanged them with each other, how can you expect to be happy? Marriage is like buying a new house. You wouldn’t make the purchase without comparing it with others, being certain that it has the specifics you believe you must have, and confirming that its engineering is sound with plumbing, heating and electrical in good working condition. So too, a couple needs to compare dreams, goals, concerning where you want to live, careers, number of children and how to parent them, vacation ideas, etc. In addition, it is extremely important to comprehend each other’s expenses. If not, there could be serious problems in the marriage later on. Therefore, to be “happy ever after” means fine tuning your communication skills before saying “I do.”

Having said all of that, after the exchange of wedding vows, the couple’s work begins to keep the communication open and flowing. “How do we begin?” Honesty and respect for each other are the seeds of your relationship. For it is from this point that the detailed aspects of your life together grow. “What keeps those seeds nurtured and growing?” Let’s take a look.

1. Decision-Making. Here, again, communication is the key. Together determine how decisions concerning the both of you, as well as each of you individually, will be made. Though some concern only you, they may have some affect on your spouse. This is a broad subject and can cover a multitude of topics. Perhaps begin by each making a list of what decisions may need to be made.

2. Questions. Should your spouse say or do something that leaves you puzzled, ask questions. Be certain that you are both on the same page. It is through asking questions that you leave no room for misunderstandings and disappointments.

3. Time-Out. When there’s a disagreement, agree on how to determine some time-out period in order for you each to think, calm down and regroup. In this way, there is less possibility of saying or doing something that you will regret later.

4. Fun Time. Plan at least one evening or day of fun together – just the two of you – each week. During this designated “fun” time, do not discuss work, finances, families or anything else that will cause a debate or disrupt enjoying each others company.

5. Calendar. Decide how the “family” calendar will be handled. For example, on that calendar should be birthdays, anniversaries and special events for both families of origin, as well as your individual and couple activities. Determine who will be responsible for purchasing cards, gifts, etc. for these dates. Will you each make purchaes for your only family of origin? Do you agree on the dollar amount to be spent on gifts? Once you’ve both reached agreements concerning these issues, be sure to stick to that agreement.

6. Laugh at yourself. This is important. Maintaining a sense of humor. Recognition of your own mistakes prevents you from becoming too serious about everything. Besides, to laugh feels so much better than to be annoyed or upset.

7. Alone Time. Maintaining your own identity as an individual is of utmost importance. Space to think, meditate, pray and grow enhances you and adds positive energy to your relationship.

8. Surprises. Few people go through life not enjoying surprises. Perhaps it is a note that simply says “I love you” that you tuck in with your spouse’s lunch, a card that expresses your feelings that you put under your spouse’s pillow, a single rose, something you make, take your spouse to breakfast in the park or go to a coffee pub after dinner. Some little thing given on occasion to your sweetheart adds spark to the relationship.

9. Please Forgive Me. The ability to ask for forgiveness when you’ve done something not too bright, or simply made a mistake, is important. If you can come forward with your error before your spouse learns of it, this is best. Remember, honesty is one of the seeds that built your marriage foundation.

10. Never Go to Bed Angry. Reach some point of resolution before laying your heads down for the night. You never know if you will both awake in the morning. While this is an unpleasant thought, you undoubtedly know of situations where one or both partners had this happen. Besides, you’ll both sleep peacefully and rest more comfortably for having at least kissed and said, “I love you.”

* Culled from an article by Joyce M. George-Knight.

* Recommended Book- ULTIMATE MARRIAGE, HAPPILY- EVER- AFTER BY TAMUNOSAKI ALALIBO.

* CALL 08139009000 TO BOOK YOUR COPY.

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24 Responses to “MARRIAGE – HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER”

Zini said on Thursday, August 19, 2010, 22:01

please tell that to young couples. Most think marriage is all about the wedding day only not realizing it is hard work made easy by trusting God
Grace said on Saturday, August 21, 2010, 14:47

My advice to the couples out there is that they should let God be the foundation of there marriage.Also the woman must be submissive to her husband while the husband should take his rightful position as head in the family by taking care of his wife and the children.I pray for all couples that are experiencing problem in their marriage to be set free in Jesus name.Well done Chaz B;God will lift you up.
Debola Oloruntobi said on Monday, August 23, 2010, 10:47

My very close friend's 10th year marriage anniversary is on Monday August 30, 2010. He has been going through some issues lately in the marriage. I am interested in buying the book for him as a wedding gift. How much is it and where precisely can I get it?
Olufunmi said on Thursday, August 26, 2010, 18:25

They say marriage is not a bed of roses. Well, It would be if we can all truly love, tolerate and let God guide us through the rest.
princess said on Friday, August 27, 2010, 13:56

hi chaz b id like to find out where to get the book titled ultimate marriage n whats the cost?
debayo55 said on Friday, September 3, 2010, 15:58

hi chaz b id like to find out where to get the book titled ULTIMATE MARRIAGE, HAPPILY- EVER- AFTER BY TAMUNOSAKI ALALIBO. i tried to reach you on the line 08139009000 but there was no connection.

I would really appreciate it if i can lay my hands on the book.

Thank you.
Eche said on Tuesday, September 28, 2010, 15:14

Is sex meant for men alone to enjoy? Am starving even though we make love every day
segun st daniels said on Wednesday, October 6, 2010, 9:27

Hi,just stumbled on your site and decided to comment on what catches my fancy.
How can happi ever after be achieved?.In my opinion the following things can help: If two shall agree on earth as touching anything,it shall be done to them.comtng their reltnshp 2 God inprayer evrydy,prayng 4 each others strength & weaknesses,determinatn 2 rejoice over all things experiencd,understndng that becmng 1 needs time 2 shake d difrecs,hapi is d coupl dat fear & obey God,acquire parentng skills,look 4 ocasns 2 celebrat evrytm,notin shud come b4 romance not even silence etc
Adaku said on Wednesday, October 6, 2010, 20:30

Guday Chaz B hv been enjoing ur programs on Inspirational Fm in Lagos.God wil bles you reachly.Every mariage shoud hav God as their foundation.He is the only solid rock that can never fail.
olayinka daniel said on Monday, October 18, 2010, 17:29

I love you program chaz b pls just kip it up God is on ur side
olayinka daniel said on Monday, October 18, 2010, 17:47

Is it possible to be married and still be lonely? cos there are lots of men and women out there married and still lonely. Please Chaz b respond to this?
dare akindele said on Monday, November 1, 2010, 17:44

chaz b welldone,may god contenue to guide you.
sylvester ogwu said on Friday, November 19, 2010, 14:36

Hi, ChazB Iam enjoing your program it is enriching and .educating.How is wanawana say me well to her.
Yemmy Davies said on Monday, November 22, 2010, 13:37

Hi chaz B,indeed you are a bless to others by this programme you are doing on inspiration fm,GOD will continue to give you wisdom,knowledge and understanding and to couples out there let GOD be the foundation of our homes,it is very important and at the same time wives be submissive,tolerant,respectful and love their husbands.May GOD see you through ur problems
Jumoke said on Monday, November 29, 2010, 17:11

I really do love your programme, pray for more inspiration 'cos you have helped so many lives. God Bless you real good. Amen…
uduak said on Monday, January 3, 2011, 10:43

Hi chaz, i'd really appreciate if u guys could come up with sessions (maybe monthly) where people just gather maybe like an all night kind of stuff to just pray about issues. There are a whole lot of people out there with different serious issues and are at a loss as to what to do or even where to go to and join hands with people to really really pray.

God is using you already to touch a lot of lives and i pray he continues to bless you real good.
Nancy Ijeh said on Tuesday, January 18, 2011, 13:35

Being emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically ready is a must if you are decided in walking the aisle. Having a positive perspective and considering the larger picture and thinking ahead are one of the basics of marriage.
Tolu said on Monday, January 24, 2011, 17:16

Hi Chaz,Marriage i know is hardwork though am not married now. God definitely has to be the foundation and you must marry your friend also. Marry someone you can take his excesses cuz that is the essennce of compatibility. Marry someone who makes you feel nothing else matters(if you get my drift). Marry someone who makes you yearn for God and someone who also wants you to be a better person. Tolu-allurenspices.
princesslizzy said on Tuesday, February 1, 2011, 12:57

please can this site be updated regularly.
angel said on Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 17:06

hi chaz, i love your show
NNADI STELLA NGOZI said on Friday, April 8, 2011, 14:49

Chaz B, you are doing a great job. God will enrich you. I must say that marriage is not a bed of roses. It has its ups and downs, It has its sweet and sour. It involve two different people with different characters, we must learn to tolerate each other. So we must make up our mind that we can manage and adapt to any situation that comes up at anytime because no human being is perfect. Secondly and most importantly we should learn to involve God in it, and by so doing, we must always triumph and be happy at the end of the day
aremo said on Saturday, April 9, 2011, 23:46

sex is not meant for men. u need counselling. need to get somethings right. as a woman u can enjoy it. more.
Franca said on Monday, August 15, 2011, 11:54

you are indeed doing a great job,i only pray that God revive dead homes
seunminikan said on Tuesday, January 10, 2012, 18:13

there is this question that has been bordering my mind, why do people betray there love once.i am married & experienced infidelity in my marriage ,yes he pleaded & promise never to do it again but each time i remember all that he did to me i always feel bitter towards him.This is a guy i never cheated on even during courtship, we court for eight years during this period yes he was always sleeping with other girl though i never caught him but he confessed to me to the extend of getting a disease & infected me but he pleaded gave his life to Christ & promise never to do it again but two years after our marriage he started again to d extend of bitten me not considering that i was six month pregnant, there was a period we had noting in the house he told me to go to my parents house to stay for few weeks for him to go around to look for money while i was in my parents house my husband was bringing another lady into our house. he left me at home with eight month pregnancy & traveled to Ondo to meet with a lady that traveled all the way from Kaduna to meet him he lied to the family he stayed with that he is no married.my problem now is how am i sure this will not happen again though i always remind his of the evil he did to me. what can i do? .Seun