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DIVORCE
Divorce happens because one partner, or both by agreement, decides to leave the marriage.Divorce is an ugly word, however, we live in a society where approximately 40% of marriages end in divorce.
All married people have one thing in common, that is, that they are married to a human being. Human beings are imperfect creatures who make mistakes, have annoying idiosyncrasies and change over time. Just by virtue of getting married, there is enough material present to cause a divorce.
Divorce affects families as well as friends, family and neighbors. When marriages end, sometimes the children are used as pawns. Divorce hurts children even more than the parents. Children end up feeling guilty or simply caught in the middle.
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LINDA said on Thursday, May 27, 2010, 8:48
Divorce is rampant today because most marriages were built on wrong fundamentals. Usually, people put the cart before the horse. Any marriage built on the solid foundation (The Word of God/Jesus Christ) will not crash. It is like building a house on a solid foundation. No matter how hard the wind blows, the house will not collapse. This reminds me of a man I counselled some months back. He told me how his wife is now a demon after six months of marriage. I told him that he did not know her. She pretended before the marriage and same applies to him. I asked him what is your personal relationship with God? It is not going to church and occupying all the position that is important but your relationship with Him. He prays now but before the marriage he did not. I remember He told me that what he is doing right now is what he should have done before the marriage. It comes back to what has been said in His Word "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path". Also "There is a way that seems right to a man/woman but the end is destruction".
I was in a mentoring class and a movie was played for us to watch. In that movie, all what they said was from the Bible but they replaced God with the Universe and gave their own interpretation. And I said that it is unfortunate that Christians do not appreciate, use and obey the Bible accordingly. The knowledge contained therein are used by non Christians to achieve their aim and purpose. It is the most powerful book in the whole world.
Tomay said on Thursday, May 27, 2010, 10:01
I have watched the movie fireproof and agree that it is one movie all married couples should watch. Anyone on the brink of a divorce should not be judged but rather prayed for….The devil is really at work and from what I heard yesterday the ladies that were divorced or about to divorce felt there was no other way… There is always a way with God. What seems impossible to man is POSSIBLE with God.
God Bless
Dum said on Thursday, May 27, 2010, 11:04
Marriage they say is an institution, it comes with lots of challenges and experience. You will hear several stories in different forms and style. I think, the end really justifies the means in every marriage. Just like the university, so many school leavers scrambling to enter the university through jamb, the qualified students inside either go through to graduate or have carry overs; spending longer time getting through, some even drop out for various flimsy reasons or maybe good reason like so many callers have pointed out.
Divorce is bad except for clear cut infidelity, if you can’t leave with it or your life is at stake( my opinion!!!). Let’s not get spiritual on whether its poor spiritual foundation , most marriages are built on God, it is us -humans that want to build God and marriage on falsehood!
As always I advise intending couples to choose wisely and act nicely in total consideration of your partner, marriage is about sacrifices e.g ( total submission for some women can be a problem), class difference is another. Couples should always come out clean before getting married. Lies, hidden characters, bad habits , selfishness, bad mouth, stubbornness laziness and even scars inflicted during the process of marriage are little mines in marriages.
For what it’s worth , think about the kids!
Dum said on Thursday, May 27, 2010, 10:20
Marriage they say is an institution, it comes with lots of challenges and experience. You will hear several stories in different forms and style. I think, the end really justifies the means in every marriage. Just like the university, so many school leavers scrambling to enter the university through jamb, the qualified students inside either go through to graduate or have carry overs; spending longer time getting through, some even drop out for various flimsy reasons or maybe good reason like so many callers have pointed out.
Divorce is bad except for clear cut infidelity, if you can’t leave with it or your life is at stake( my opinion!!!). Let’s not get spiritual on whether its poor spiritual foundation , most marriages are built on God, it is us -humans that want to build God and marriage on falsehood!
As always I advise intending couples to choose wisely and act nicely in total consideration of your partner, marriage is about sacrifices e.g ( total submission for some women can be a problem), class difference is another. Couples should always come out clean before getting married. Lies, hidden characters, bad habits , selfishness, bad mouth, stubbornness laziness and even scars inflicted during the process of marriage are little mines in marriages.
For what it’s worth , think about the kids!
Folake said on Thursday, May 27, 2010, 17:16
You are running a great show, Chaz B. However, do not forget the emphasis of your show. Its about sharing.I really think that you should have allowed the lady that called to share her experience on Wednesday to talk instead of insisting that she goes to watch fire proof. Her willingness to watch the movie may have been better if you had listened to her. It is often said that a burden shared is a burden half solved. Please, be a bit more patient and sensitive to people with issues who call on the show.
Deji said on Thursday, May 27, 2010, 20:45
Marriage is a "place" you learn daily and willingly forgo your right. I have been married for 8 years and sincerely do not want to remember the first 5 years. Glory to God things are getting better by the day. The scripture that kept me "While we were yet sinners Christ died for us" True love is loving the unlovable. By the way i am a man.
momo said on Friday, May 28, 2010, 16:12
okay guys, i haven't been married before so am not in a position to advise on it. how ever, i do know that its better to be single than to be in a loveless ABUSIVE marriage.
oluwayomi said on Friday, May 28, 2010, 17:38
Shobowale Olaide Oluwayomi Micheal
THe Issue of Divorce is a serious thing that i think has begin to eat in into our society for gone are the days where Divorce is seen as a cause but this days as a result of Globalization Divorce is now a normal norm in our society that is if ur partner is not meeting up then take Divorce as an option. so for me i thin…k we all should be careful espeacially those of us that are not married we should take our time in KNOWING WHAT GOD IS SAYING ABOUT OUR MARITAL DESTINY for it is only with Him we can survive in this world of ours called earth.
Chioma said on Friday, May 28, 2010, 19:37
The issue of Divorce this days is becoming another thing, Nigerians are really imitating the white, when a man and a woman says i do i expected them to live together, everything in life is understanding. And Women should not marry a man becausing he is rich and wen the riches goes down the line, the marriage follow suit, we should at least go through the bible. We should do what the bible says for christ sake. And also Men should learn how to respect themselves
Anno said on Monday, May 31, 2010, 19:16
wen people dont know too much about an issue they shd learn not to make comments about same. now to d topic, i want to believe that no one enters into a venture to fail. that it fails is due to the fact that all attempts at fixing/making up proved abortive. my opinion is this, if you have tried all that u can, caLLED ON THE ALMIGHTY, and still the situation is the same, then please save yourself/sanity.
Most people dont know what we face in marriage, and yes i know we (female)are not perfect, but then we do not ask to be treated as chattels nor turned to punching bags at the slightest provocation or told we are worthless or just a WASTE OF SPACE. i can go on, but as someone wrote, wen there are kids, we really need to think deep and hard. in conclusion, may the lord grant us all wisdom.
Anno said on Monday, May 31, 2010, 19:18
in continuation of the above and as an aside i will like to ask, why is it that men who beat their wives say she provoked/desvered it cus she (1) spoke back (2) didt know when to keep quite (3) gave an opinion contrary to his (4)came home late for what ever reason (5) and the list cud go on, but then this same men will not result to fisticuffs/punches wen with they have arguements with their male counterparts. my words to Guys that beat their wives, PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE
amaka said on Tuesday, June 1, 2010, 8:15
yes i know there are serious issues with marriage but i dont think it is that bad to wish to be a widow, whatever the problem it think only God can solve the problem rather than think of divorce cus the children are involved as well. pls reconsider !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grace said on Tuesday, June 1, 2010, 9:59
Good job Chaze B, Deola. CAN YOU HAVE A SLOT WHERE CHILDREN FROM BROKN HOMES GET TO TALK AND SHARE THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES…….MAYBE JUST MAYBE, SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WISHING TO DIVORCE WILL THINK TWICE….KNOWING THE AFTER EFFECT OF THEIR DECISION ON THEIR CHILDREN.
chinenye said on Tuesday, June 1, 2010, 17:50
Chaz B,u guys inspire me so much! thanks to God for inspiration fm! i strongly believe that “tough times dont last but tough pple do” we all attimes hav issues wit our brodas,sistas,mum,dad,frnds,collegues……… n so on,life itslf is filled with challenges.my mum is my GEM…….SHE endured,suffered patiently for our sake.evri couple should xpect anything from themselves……b patient ,loving and look up to God for strength ,no mata what they pass thru if they blive God will definatly c dm thru.
CHRIS said on Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 11:35
THANX IN EVERY REPLY.PLEASE CAN SOME ONE HELP OUT IN THIS; A LADY AND A GUY HAS LOVED THEMSELVES AND HAS AGREED TO GET MARRIED. D GUY HAS DONE THE FIRST INTRODUCTION. AFTER WHICH,THE LADY'S UNCLES WHO HAPPENS TO STAND AS HER FATHER AS HER FATHER IS LATE REJECTED THE GUY JUST BC OF HIS VILLAGE (NOT THAT THE GUY IS AN OUTCASTS) BUT FOR THE FEAR OF THE VILLAGE AS A STRONG VILLAGE. BUT THE GUY IS A GOOD CHRISTIAN LIKEWISE THE LADY.MEANWHILE THE MOTHER OF THE LADY IS IN SUPPORT OF THE LADY FOR THE MARRIAGE. WHAT ARE YOUR ADVICE FOR THE BOTH?
LINDA said on Thursday, June 3, 2010, 6:28
Your comment is insightful. What about couples who do not have children yet? 5 days of marriage, two months, six months and so on heading for divorce.
It is about the mind. It is only God that can change the mind of anyone. Bring all the children from broken homes to share their experience, it will fall on deaf ears for some people. It goes into one ear and comes out through the other.
temtation said on Friday, June 11, 2010, 6:57
Good chaz B am a young man of ealy thirtys i got maried in 1995 an we ar blessed wit a child initialy my wife
is not working but along the line things was not going on fine wit my boss then an i was afected so she stated working but for me the present position of boss then warent a tamination of appointment issues arises after like 9mt to a year when i can get another job to bring up the familiy we stated having issues that warant her to park her things by her self i even try my best to bring her back but no hope. she was influence by boss who she is working wit cos she live in her house.we break up 3yrs ago. Now maried but, every thing about never go away from my memory since then i dont use to call her but each she caled me to ask about her baby i will thing about her throug out dat day untill i get home met my wife dat is when i will think nomal. sorry 3mt after the incident i secure a jod in one of nigerian bank an am still in the industry Till Date WHAT CAN I DO AM SERIOSLY DISSTURB each time she called me
Blessing said on Friday, June 25, 2010, 11:02
You are doing a great job chaz B, i love your show, i don't miss it.
I have been listening 2 ur show for 3mths now, & am greatly blessed, but i still ve a problem which has gone away after doing all am suppose to do. Am a christian, am in my early 30s, i fell in love wit a guy that am 2yrs older than, everything was fine till last yr(after 3yrs of relationship)wen he got a job at the same he want to go back to school, he told me i can't wait for him that he still loves me and he want to move on wit my life, that i should get married and settle down. I ve prayed, fasted just 2 let go of him, is not just working. I need to move on, i don't want to get married to someone i don't love so that my marriage wil not be in crises.
The truth is that i still love my ex, i truly do love him, it is affecting me badly. I need help pls……
tobenna2002 said on Saturday, July 3, 2010, 19:07
This topic is not as clear cut as most people think…’it’s not what one sits,deliberate on and jumps up and says by god this is the solution…,it is a gradual feeling which builds up with one feeling am not understood no one knows what am going through, am all alone in this afterall am the one wearing the shoe etc. and without any proper let out most times Divorce is always the easy way out.People should note that once in a reltionship people change so does situation or circumstances, do you just throw in the towel and say i have done my best!! Did the Word not say in this life we will have tribulation,so is marriage not in this world? did it not further say but be of good cheer for i have overcomed for YOU..if we have prayed all we can, fasted etc it is time to try praising HIM..He is the one that can salvage ALL situation ‘divorce’ is not a solution no matter how tempting it may be please..
sarah said on Thursday, July 15, 2010, 16:34
chaz b God bless u for what u are doing, u are really doing a good job.
pls help us tell the parent. they do what pleases them without thinking of what happen to the children. the children are suffering emotionally.
they should consider the children before makind such decision.
Goodness said on Monday, August 9, 2010, 0:37
Truth is that people should try to understand first – what marriage is all about. For heaven sake the word says that the man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two become one. No where in all the verses on marriage was children mentioned except only as a bonus. in other words children are only God's 'jara' to a married couple. Never the reason for the marriage. So where one has done all that there is humanly possible, and it is not working, for goodness sake take a walk!!!!! I guess your children would be better off growing up and knowing they have a mother (or father) alive and well somewhere, than to end up orphaned. Rather than stay and die slowly in one hell called marriage, simply quit and add years to your life, period.
owoloye Raphael said on Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 7:48
Hello Temtation,
I read your comment and am really moved by your level of sincerity .I do understand when a Man loves something so much yet you can just lay your hand on it again, especially when it use to be yours. I can feel your reminiscence for your former love, the holding of hands , the first kisses , when the baby arrives etc. But, Man the truth now is that you belong to another person now, you must learn to let the past be , she is an History in your life now, don't allow your dog to go back to his vomit . Am very sure you still love your present wife , hence you wouldn't have married her. Please grow up and face the fact that you can never be with her again and again , anything causing you guyz to meet again is called DISASTER , INFIDEL , UNFAITHFULNESS AND ADULTERY . Am very sure you don't want to be called an ADULTERER . Temtation , please believe me ,is better you focus on your PRESENT now than allowing your PAST to destroy your FUTURE.
I pray for you for strength to face this battle. God help you my brother.
Raphael
BiBi said on Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 15:59
Marriages are breaking up because there is competition in marriage. Concerning marriage, God tells us via the bible that Men love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her , wives submit to your husbands.
To me, this means that men should love their wives unconditionally, irrespective of what she does or who she is, bearing in mind that Christ loves us first, while we are yet sinners, He died for us. Christ didn't say we should love him first, then he will die for us, rather He gave up Himself for us even in our sins.
That simply tells us that the woman doesn't need to be "perfect" before the man can love. I tell you, there is no woman who is loved, that will not be submissive. Men continue to show love, even if she doesn't appear that she is submitting now, with time, she will realize herself. Any man who loves God will love his wife in obedience to His commandment.
For the women, you are asked to submit. The submission should be total, irrespective of whether the man loves you or not. See it as you are submitting to God, because it's a commandment from God. submitting to the man doesn't make you a fool but just like the man, you are obeying God.
For some women, they are DGMs, EDs etc in their offices as such, they are not able to draw the line between the office and the home front. Men don't need competitors, they need partner. No matter highly placed the woman is, the man is still the head and he expects submission from his wife.
No matter how tough a man is, if he has a submissive wife, over the time, he will begin to love.
if both parties can bear these in mind, a lot more marriages will work.
Chaz B, keep up the good work, God bless U.
Obi said on Thursday, September 2, 2010, 10:24
Chaz B, Thank you for the good work. i am currently burning inside now. i have been married for eight years now with 3 kids. i currently stumbled on some email where i found out that she has been cheating on me with another married man. this had been going on for 4 months. i confronted her and she confessed and begged for forgiveness. i am confused, i LOVE this woman with all my heart. i am very grounded in God and have been at a cross road. infidelity is the only thing written in the book of God for divorce. pls help
Damilola Adeyinka said on Thursday, September 2, 2010, 14:44
Marriage is not a bed of roses,there will definitely be trying times for every home,times when you start to question the choices you've made.In times like this you need the help of God and good counsel.It however does not have to be a bush of thorns either.So many people stay in marriages for the sake of the children,eventually, this children will grow up and go on with their lives..what will you do then.I say NO TO A LOVELESS MARRIAGE.You shouldn't have to endure marriage all the days of your life.
Ehi said on Thursday, September 23, 2010, 14:16
Been waiting on Chaz B's comment on this as i also suffer the same plight.
wini said on Tuesday, January 18, 2011, 17:38
Hi, in response to Chris, please if the moda of the girl is in support of the marriage, let her go ahead as long as: 1. she has know whom she's getting married which is wht really counts 2. they both love each oda. she has her life 2 live nt her uncle living for her. most importantly prayer is the key.