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ARRANGED MARRIAGE VERSUS LOVE MARRIAGE
Marriage, which is as old as human civilisation, is obviously an important social institution that is a basic building block of all societies across the world. Propagation and well-being of human race would have been very difficult without it and the world as we know it would not have been possible.
Marriage is a coupling of two individuals in more ways than one. It has physical, emotional, financial, social and legal aspects. No other relationship can come close to it in depth and scope. But how do two people go about finding a partner to get married to? There are two ways – arranged marriage or love marriage
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” is a quote by Tom Mullen but how true is this considering that arranged marriages still occur in most parts of the world even Africa.
In an arranged marriage, choosing a partner is a collective decision of the person to be married as well as his or her family members. The benefits are that choosing a bride or groom is a matter handled with due care and consideration and with a cool head. All efforts are made to ensure that the two would-be partners are evenly matched in terms of lifestyle, educational qualifications, family background, earning potential and even physical appearance.In an arranged married, choosing a spouse is a calculated decision in which emotions or heart have no role to play.For centuries, arranged marriage was the only way to marry in most cultures, and it was believed to ensure stronger, happier marriages.
In a love marriage, the decision to choose a particular spouse rests solely on the shoulders of the individual getting married. Parents and other family relations have not much of a role to play. They can give their feedback and comments but the ultimate decision always rests with the individual looking to get married. In love marriages, two individuals meet, sparks fly, body chemistry takes over, they fall in love and soon are at the altar saying their wedding vows.
Can love grow out of an arranged marriage?
11 Responses to “ARRANGED MARRIAGE VERSUS LOVE MARRIAGE”
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Timy said on Friday, May 7, 2010, 18:28
Definitely Love can grow out of an arranged marriage. Several Biblical examples are there to prove it. Abraham through the help of his servant Abimelech was able to choose for Isaac a wife – Rachel. Up till today, parents especially those of the elite tend to arrange marriage for their children, obviously to preserve the families prestige.
lex said on Friday, May 7, 2010, 20:29
Yes love can grow out of an estranged marriage, I agree with Timmy but how deep is that love. I hear people call and say they are in an arranged marriage and it's working well. I really thank God for them, but theirs is either 1 in 1,000 cases or they are only speaking for themselves and not their spouses.
I can give several examples starting with my parents whose marriage was arranged, ChazB my mom told us several times she was in love with someone else before her parents got her to marry my Dad. Looking deep into her you would know she probably is still in love with that guy..but then she takes pleasure in the blessings she has gotten from God in this marriage to my Dad. She got born again had us whole lovely children and being a principled person wouldn't even dream of going out the marriage to my Dad…but some part of her still miss her childhood love. My father on his part believed till he died that she never thought about that!!!
In my Dad's belief for arrangee marriages he arranged two (that I know of) and these two have been monumental disasters. One of them which is such a big case which we are still trying to deal with now even after his death. The other one the husband of the lady he arranged for started accusing my father of trying to assassinate him…the cases are so pathetic I can't even start explaining it here.
Seeing those examples I made up my mind early in life that I will never be a part of any arranged marriage, In fact I made up my mind to go completely against him in marriage. Maybe God didn't want this conflict that was why he took him away before I got married. If He was and I agreed with him I probably would have been in the situation of the guy whole called and complained about communication with his spouse.
ChazB you need to understand that guy, I almost got into it. I was going out with a girl, who I couldn't gist with, my whole family (including my Dad) had startd calling her my wife (even though I warned them I hadn't told the lady I was ready for marriage. I warned them repeatedly that I didn't intend to marry this girl and I was looking for the best amicable way of pulling out of the relationship.
Now ChazB, I went through all the motions this caller said he went through and got the same answers he got..even the lady told me she would change if and when we get married, but I wasn't comfortable with that..and thank God I was not, I guess I am a typical example of the one who God loved even while yet a sinner (cos I was one big sinner then). When I met my wife, I knew it was she is the woman I have been looking for, ChazB we are married now and THAT is the BEST decision I ever made in my entire life so far. That guy has probably made the mistake of marrying the person not meant for him, but I guess he needs to find a way round it, the best way is asking the Holy spirit to guide him and let him enjoy the fruits of the marriage like my mom did…but it's not going to be easy o!!!
I am sorry I have written an epistle Sir, but I felt this is the best way I can contribute since I am not directly involved…Me I do NOT support arrangee marriage o!!!
lex said on Friday, May 7, 2010, 20:37
Sorry for the typos first line I meant "arranged marriage" not "estranged estranged" Please forgive all other typos I didn't review properly before posting.
Napoleon said on Saturday, May 8, 2010, 22:31
Ermmm Timy.Isaac married Rebekah….and I disagree with you bout growing love…if you dont feel it, you'll try but it will still be substandard. if it doesnt come from the heart, you cant force it
momo said on Monday, May 10, 2010, 17:56
in my opinion, love happens in the strangest situations. an arranged marriage can work depending on the circumstances surrounding it. if the parents are just trying to marry off their daughter whom they feel is over due, they might but selling their kid cheap and not take into account the true character of the prospective spouse. i think some times all singles is a nudge in the right direction. i wouldnt mind an arranged marriage as long as i meet the guy, like the guy and am in sync with him. if our lives are heading in the same direction and we can have a good laff, talk about stuff in short be best buddies, why not. its hard to find love, believe me, i have been looking. Parents only do this when the are desperate. mine arent
Wman said on Monday, May 10, 2010, 18:49
@ lex….there's wisdom in ur post. While i'm not exactly 4 arranged marriages, I am of the opinion that facilitating 'introductions' of persons to eachother is not out of place as long as the parties are left to reach their conclusions individually on the prospects of taking the relationship to the next level (marriage). And speaking, as a christian, the GOD factor is of course, paramount in all these i.e what is God saying (i.e, His will) in the situation.
Wman said on Monday, May 10, 2010, 18:50
@ momo….your comments are interesting (and it makes me smile)…believe me, I can FEEL you. There's an audio message I'm listening to on my laptop even as I type my post right now titled – "If life were a game, these are the rules" by Pastor Poju Oyemade of Covenant Christian Centre. If you can, try 2get the CD. I think it'l bless you as it does me cos we sure have something in common – searching/waiting for love. Basically, the gist of the message is that we have individual paths in life & our areas of challenge in life, differs accordingly – some marriage, others child bearing or finance et.c. We therefore, need to identify the lessons we need to learn from our challenges while they last- because they sure won't last forever!
Napoleon said on Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 5:48
You have hit the nail on the head..'introductions' are more appropriate. But wen you arrange the marriage for your son or daughter, you're narrowing his/her chances of actually enjoying the marriage
bb said on Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 8:00
Love grows, no doubt, but it’s also possible never to love someone who one doesnt find attactive. I think love forms integral part of marriage and their must exist some elements of love btw intending couples. What im saying in essense is that the parties involved should be left to decide solely if they can marry each other after due process must av been observed. Introducing pple to each other is really not a big deal for as much as marriage is not forced on them.
LINDA said on Monday, May 17, 2010, 13:11
This is playing a game with someone's life and destiny and may be a living hell.
inikpi said on Saturday, June 26, 2010, 16:07
Chaz B,you are doing a great job,i must say,this are issues confronting us on a daily basis you, and Deola have choosen to help address.God will continually avail you with the his grace.Now to the topic,most ladies find it very difficult to met the much dreamt about Mr right with ease,our biological clock,on the other hand is another unfriendly factor,that keeps her on her toes,so,at some point,she is left,with no option than to accept the arranged marriage proposals not considering love or compactibility,I mean,at 36yrs you are still waiting to fall in love before you get married? just go in and be determine to make it work. inikpi.