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Loneliness
Introduction: According to wikipedia, Loneliness is a feeling in which people experience a strong sense of emptiness and solitude. It is often compared to feeling empty, unwanted and unimportant. A lonely person may find it hard forming a strong interpersonal relationships. Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual’s control.Loneliness can be described as a feeling of isolation from society, regardless of whether one is physically isolated from others or not. It may also be described as a yearning for love or companionship, which is unfulfilled, but cannot seemingly be achieved, or may stem from the lack of love in one’s life, and hence may lead to emotion’s such as rejection, despair and low self-esteem.
Phone Logs:
Anon: Not feeling fine because i have a feeling no one cares about me. I am always in and out of loneliness and to
make matters worse, i am still staying with my parents. I am 32 years old and still single. I think my lonliness is as a result of my not been married, i want a family of my own with kids.
Cynthia: lonliness is a part of my world, am 38 yrs old not married. I have never been lucky in my relationships. I feel so bad about myself, i am the firstborn of my parents and my all my siblings are all married.
Paul: I have been there, done there. Loneliness is real. Before God helped me out of this problem, i have always felt that am not good enough, i feel so unwanted. My lifestyle in the past contributed immensely to the problem. But i thank God today that i am very fine and doing ok.
How to step out of loneliness ;
- learn to have fun by developing your social skills’
- learn to be desperate about your passion ( the violent take it force)
- get involved in positive and interesting activities,
- always make good moves,
- loneliness is not the absence of affection but absence of direction,
- Consider others around you apart from your immediate people,
- what can you do to reach out to others ( be a source of happiness to others)
- Showing interest in charity.
Counselling comes up on the 23rd of January @ the Prime Chinese, Plot 806A Bishop Aboyade , Victoria Island.
Ola: I fall into the category of the lonely people. Am always depressed. I have mood swings, absent minded. I am 27 yrs, my relationships havent been working well and a lot of people complain about my attitude. I help others out of their emotional problems but my help to others doesnt work for me. I am too laid back and an indoor person. 
I suffer from lack of expression.
Mary: There is a thin line between depression and loneliness. Loneliness is a thing of the mind. You can be among a lot of people and still feel lonely.
Omoh: Am a lonely person, i have tried to socialise but i still feel lonely. I am 30 yrs old and not in any relationship. My loneliness comes with my being single, and i get quite touchy when i am in this mood.
Uche: Am 31 yrs old, married with a kid. Being married does not solve your loneliness problem. You have to deal with it yourself and learn to make yourself happy. If you think someone will cure your loneliness, you will end up infecting that person with loneliness. When you are happy about yourself, then you can transfer this to others. God is the only solution known.
Anon: I am a loner maybe because i am not married and i am 39 yrs old and i am worried about my biological clock.
Types of loneliness:
Intimate isolation; which comes from not having anyone in your life you feel affirms who you are.
Relational isolation; which comes from not having face-to-face contacts that are rewarding.
Collective isolation; which comes from not feeling that you’re part of a group or collective beyond individual existence.
What are the causes of loneliness?
Loneliness does not always make sense, but we can explore the causes of loneliness to attempt an analysis. You can be lonely in a room full of people, at a party for instance. You may feel isolated, as if no-one understands — your partner, friends, parents, and colleagues are not really interested in you. These negative perceptions can play heavily upon your emotions.
Understanding the causes of loneliness and recognizing them is part of the battle when you have a desperate feeling of not having anything to live for. Shifting your focus can be a next to impossible. Unfortunately, too many times reaching for a bottle of pills for release is all too easy Doctors may tell you your loneliness is just a chemical 
imbalance, this may be true. Have you ever considered that your loneliness might have a spiritual root?
God is always present; He is always with us. He is able to draw us from the miry pit that we are in, and stand our feet on the solid rock. We need to shift our focus from our condition and look to the God that created us for a purpose. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to restore the relationship with us and He can ease the pain of loneliness. By trusting His word and accepting His comfort, we never need to be lonely again.
There are several possible reasons people feel lonely; One is that the person already had that special someone and they left (death, divorce, moved to another area, etc.) Another reason is that a person lacks the social skills to make and form friendships. Such persons might be shy or socially anxious. Yet another reason maybe the culture in which we live. Especially in Western culture, society prides itself on individuality and personal freedom. Successful relationships however require some degree of compromise. Comprise may require encroachment on one’s personal freedom which may not be desired. The end result maybe that you don’t find that special someone simply because that special someone is more of a figment of our imagination than an actual real person. A last final reason for people who are trait lonely and yet looking for that special someone they cannot find, maybe due to the fact that they maybe unwilling to let down their defenses. Usually when people are hurt in the past by people they love, they are more unwilling to be open to love the next time it comes around (“once bitten, twice shy”). However, to be in a relationship requires one to let down some of their defenses and be open to the possibility of being hurt again. Only then can true meaningful relationships form. But being open to love requires time, patience and perhaps “taking things slow.” If you cannot be hurt, then you cannot be loved.Loneliness is described by many as a very painful thing. Helping to know what causes your loneliness will help you get rid of it.
Always remember to ” Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life”
12 Responses to “Loneliness”
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Adorableyk2 said on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 8:16
Hi all, I listened to the programme yesterday and I was touched by Cynthia's story becos I'm also in the same position though slightly different. I'm also 38 and single but live on my own. We are four girls in my family and all with the exception of the first born are still single. The one married did so at the age of 41. We have observed a pattern that keeps reoccuring, men propose to us and are serious about settling down with us but all of a sudden they just change their minds without any just cause. This has really affected me that I keep thinking that there must be something wrong with me. I can't seem to get any man to commit to me and this is very painful becos I am a very sensitive and emotional person. It even hurts me more when people – friends and colleagues tell me I'm a very nice and sweet person yet I can't find someone to share my love with. Please help!
seth said on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 9:37
@adorable….i gt sisters in ur shoes so i knw wt ur goin thru, bt i wanna tell u to take heart and trust in God cos in the end he knws best…far beyond our own thinkin.just keep on bein that lovely person that peeps say u r.he'll walk by ur way sumday n you'll get the love youve been searchin 4.Plus check urself to make sure u dnt have an attitude that chases the guys away, if nt remember that gettin married n stayin happy at 40 is way better than gettin married at 25 n regrettin it for the rest of ur life.take it easy n dnt rush in2 anyfin aight.I'll be prayin with u.P.S. Im sure theres nuffin wrong wiv u, for God created u to be special n thats bexactly wt u r
tunde said on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 12:08
Adora, this calls for serious prayers, I belief God is preparing you for the best. All you need do is commit you life in its totality to God and belief that he can do it. But i also want to tell you that if you had lived a wreckless life in your early years make amendement and pray that God forgive you. moreso, stop look for tall, handsome or gud looking guys but pray that God give you that person that will be us without any condition. Stop giving God specifications of the type of man you want, but ask God to give u that man that will love and care for you without any reason.
Adorableyk2 said on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 14:03
Thanks Tunde for your comments and advise. I would like to point out one mistake that most people make about ladies that have delayed marriages. They jump to conclusions that you must have been the ones that have been choosy etc, but that is not always the case. I have not had a wreckless past and I have practiced a lot of kingdom principles in terms of waiting on the Lord to intervene in a hopeless situation. I have been in a relationship with a guy that was just starting in life when I was already set up, still he dumped me for no just cause. Now he calls me and says he can't explain what happened then but that I am a very nice person and he prays for me to be happily settled by God. So you explain that.
tunde said on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 16:27
Adora, i never met to be judgemental, i said that becos some girls can be very choosy, just yesterday evening there was a hookup programme on Rhythem, and a lady called and was asking the presenter to hook her up with a tall handsome guy that she cannot understand the reason why its only short guys that have been disturbing her and she is tired of short guys …"i don't want short guys in my life" these were her words. so sorry if i have taken you as one of them. i never met to be judgemental thank you.
very soon now this type of girl will start crying for no husband, instead her to pray for her own. though i understand that this attitude is mostly found in unbelievers. you are not one, forget about whatevr anybody may think of you and keep your gaze on God. very soon you will give testimony. thank you
Ayo said on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 19:59
My advise to the single ones out there, relationship is not something you just dabble into or something you recieve or believe, it is a practical thing and the truth is that, we all know what we want and who we can tolerate. Unfortunately, in the recent world of ours, very few people build relationships, a large percentage of people would rather search for a ready-made guy/lady who they might not really love or know well enough and as a result they end up being unhappy in their relationships. Like Chaz always says" loneliness is not lack of affection but lack of direction. Therefore, try to create inner peace with yourself, think positively, have a positive outlook on life, be good, think of what you can do to make other smile and etc, and by so doing, you end up making yourself happy…. hope i have made a reasonable point !
Linda said on Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 9:45
My opinion is that we should learn to have control over our mind and emotions. This will help you to make the right decision at any time. If you allow your situation or circumstance get into you, you will lose your peace and joy giving room for loneliness and depression. Though it is difficult but it can be learnt. God help us.
fsilas said on Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 15:28
Adora, this is more of the spiritual than the physical, u have morethan just waiting to do, a serious prayer and fasting will help if u can bear the pain, since this is not about u alone but a re occurence in the family than it is posibly not your fault but more of inherited maybe a fight against your parent and the truth is that no one among u have taking the bold step to break the barrier. somebody must take resposibility and fight it on behalf of the family.
please dont let that way u dawn. remember you are someone strength and happiness and that person will be looking for u because he is also your joy and dreams come true. and please do not chose for God cus he knows you beter than u know yourself.
(1)
pray against every inherited courses form your father and mothers house. (2)any convenant entered on your behalf that is working against u. (3) every spirit of rejection in marriage. ther are so many other prayer points cus u have to take the bull by the horn.
nudewhenu said on Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 16:47
whatever happen to you just try to make yurslf happy
Yinka Oladeji said on Wednesday, January 20, 2010, 20:38
loneliness kills faster than any ailment, sometimes i guess loneliness come as a result of your decisions, of either indulging yourself in waywardness or turning your back on wayward life to serving God , though the latter has a way of stopping you from doing what is now term catching fun eg night clubbing, partying etc which although sometimes gives temporal happiness but also has a way of linking you up and getting you busy, but notwithstanding one can as well catch fun serving and doing what God expects of us and that is just the way out.
LINDA said on Thursday, January 21, 2010, 6:24
Either it is the loss of loved ones (death, divorce, change of location etc), job or late marriage and so on, like I mentioned above, please do not allow the situation to get into you because that is the first step to the solution. It works because it makes you strong to face the situation appropriately. Taking the second step of seeking refuge in God crowns it all. Studying His Word, applying and confessing it to the situation solves the problem. Usually, He will solve it in His way not as expected by you and you will be amazed. Thank you.
Chidiebere said on Monday, January 25, 2010, 16:18
Mine is not really a reply but a contribution to encourage those who feel they are lonely. It all depends on your level of loneliness. I experienced loneliness when I lost my job in 1995. This period, I was alone a home because I have not gotten something that will keep me busy. I know very well that within this trial period that God was up to something. One day I was praying and I asked God to change my situation. I had a voice from God. The voice said, “there is something in your hand, use it.” To cut the story short, I was able to write a christian book with a little topic that came in my mind after my prayer. Loneliness is a good opportunity to commune with God. Remember, Jesus was alone each time He wants to talk to God. If you are alone, there is something God want to establish in your life. Just have a good relationship with Him and you will never regret it. God bless you. Dcn Eligwe