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Fantasy/Emotional Cheating
FANTASY !!!!!…Hmmm…., already lost in thought. When we talk about fantasies the first thing
comes to mind are dirty thoughts and ideas guys and girls have about themselves, like i met a guy who had a fantasy about making love to a pregnant prostitue…how absurd. But really fantasies dont always have to be dirty, like a female friend of mine had a fantasy of getting married in place of work and having a ”keke napep” as her getaway vehicle, now thats far from dirty but it still is a fantasy.
Fantasies could play a vital role in a relationship and at the same time could be quite detrimental not just to the relationship but to the relationship but to the mind (as in the case of my friend and the pregnant prostitute) Sharing of fantasies between couples is a health way of strengthning the bond between them, where the lady feels safe letting her man in on her innermost desires, it brings a feeling of security and trust between them, where as some ladies might feel scared to tell their spouse exactly how she wants to be held and touched, for fear of rejection and being called dirty.
And for the guys, most guys have some very ”nasty” fantasies which they may feel uneasy sharing with thier partner. Bottom line, guys be open with your partners and please LISTEN, i know it’s hard but listen to the ladies, you might even hear what they really feel inside..their true fantasies. Hmmmm ! And ladies, take time to find out what your partner’s fantasies are, it might just make the relationships get more interesting.
Fantasies are also crazy ideas going through minds of individuals, most are usually left unsaid but often thought about. Reality and Fantasy are very close but what marks the difference is the action behind bringing the fantasy into reality. We all have fantasies over a lot of things not necessarily sexual urges but dreams, goals and desires for achievements in life. But unfortunately, these fantasies which are good usually ends up as pictures in the brain which fades off with time.
It has always been said that ” Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life “. Whatever you feed your mind with, that is what it will act on. I therefore beseech brethren, try as much as possible to feed your 
heart with all positive things in life because it determines to a large extent what becomes of everyone.
Stay Blessed and stay tuned …………………………………………….
24 Responses to “Fantasy/Emotional Cheating”
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LINDA said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 6:46
When there is an open communication and understanding in a relationship, there will be no fantasy. When you love someone, definately, your heart will be with that person always (One heart).
Your heart can be GOD'S DWELLING PLACE or the DEVIL'S WORKSHOP. "Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the Lord our God, to walk in His statutes and to keep His commandments, as at this day" 1 Kings 8:61. Remember, the Beatitudes "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God" Matthew 5:8.
seth said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 7:48
I do not agree with you totally linda, yes open communication strengthens the bond between the two but you have to agree with me that in a relationship sometimes we have ''funny'' thoughts that we may not feel free expressing with our partner. For example a married Lady who doesnt feel satisfied by her husband in bed, now she may feel reluctant to tell him this and keep locked inside her for fear of hurting his feelings or for fear of introducing an emotional barrier in thier relationship , but which ever ways she remains unsatisfied, always longs for more but never gets it.
Let me site a great example. Dona 27 loves her newly weded husband dearly but ever since they got married he stopped doing the things he used to do like give her a massage when she gets back from work, cook for her, and sing for her cos hes got a lovely voice. Now Dona has always had a fantasy of having oral sex with her husband but dosent know how to open up to him about it, and about the other things he'd stopped doing, she habours the thought of him doing all these things but they remain nothing but fantasies in her head.
Now its not like theres lack of ''communication and understanding'' in the marriage but Donas a naturally shy person……so are yuou saying it is wrong for Dona to such fantasies about her own husband
seth said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 7:56
we all have fantasies but will not admit it
LINDA said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 8:26
@Seth, there is no open communication and understanding in that relationship. You should tell your spouse what is on your mind always. The two should discuss anything. That is why he or she is your best friend.
LINDA said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 8:29
@Seth, not everybody have fantasies maybe you have. "Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life".
napoleon said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 9:07
@Linda. not to lie, it wil be pure deception to say not everybody has fantasies…its like saying not everybody lies..its not very true. fantasies can be good or bad. but evrybody sure has bad fantasies, but it now bores down to individual to deal wit it. even when there is open communication, ther wil stil be fantasies…..
napoleon said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 9:08
fantasies come by default!
seth said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 9:08
u see, ur only taking the ''dirty'' aspect of fantasies, im trying to say that tnikin of an action that would give you a good feeling on the inside is a fantasy…it dosent have to be dirty of immoral, it could be something like thinkin bout ur spouse singing to u in a public place
LINDA said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 10:16
Please speak for yourself and not for other people. By the way, this site is neither for judgement, name calling nor accusations. It is for amicable discussion.
LINDA said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 11:08
@Seth. Either clean or dirty, there is no need to fantasize when you can discuss it with your spouse.
seth said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 13:29
@ linda..ur just giving a perfect scenario…like its all wives that can yell thier husbands everything they think and dream about…pls lets be realistic here.Were Nigerians 4 crying out loud
Pumpkin said on Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 13:42
Chaz B i totally agree with coming out with your feelings relating to fantasies,but what should a married friend of mine do after she cheated on her hubby with anoda and according to her she enjoyed it but has left the relationship and wants to stick to her hubby now. i think it's becos she is pregnant and might go back to having affairs once she drops her baby. please i want to help avert evil what advice can you give?
LINDA said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 6:46
Hi Chaz B. Based on the subject of discussion, not everybody have fantasies. Most times fantasies are fictions. So, why does someone subject his or her mind or thought to such stress? On the other hand, goals are resolutions we plan and work to achieve in life. We should focus on resolutions that are actual and are achieved.
seth said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 7:47
@pumpkin….handlin affairs is really a hard nut to tackle but il'd advice your friend to weigh her marriage and her affair and ask herself if this fling is worth destroying her marriage fro??She should break all communications with the guy if she really cherishes her marriage cos just the sight of the guy, or hearin him speak over the phone could prompt her to go into it again, and for christs sake shes having a baby, what example does she want to lay down for the kid.Yeah it really isnt easy cos the guy might be givin her all the attention that her husband isnt giving her but ask her to emember her words at the pulpit…..for better or worse…she should stay true.
fsilas said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 9:00
Hi Chaz B. This is Silas, I have gone through the comment of others & they have all spoken well. now, be it fantasy or emotional cheating whatever we chose to call it , it’s another trick of the devil and the Bible say we should not be ignorant of the tricks of the Devil so the only way to deal with it is to debunk those feeling when they come because they shall surly come. just as the spiritual conrol the physical so the haert is the developing ground for every act of man. The moment u allow those fantasies to stay in your mind and develop, the nest level is looking for a way to act it out so never allow it to stay delete them immediately and u will not fall victim.
fsilas said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 9:44
@seth—with the example u gave, the lady is just suffering herself for nothing, if the man involve is her husband like u said then such thing sould be dicused. if it is the man that need to increase from one round to three round let him know. every man knows that his inability to satisfy his woman could crash his home. so pls. let him know and am sure he will do something about it except you have married a daddy and not your friend. Every man or woman should see his or her patner as friend not an Oga.
hendan said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 10:02
Hey guys , all women wants and desire a safe place.marriage, home or work place. when you open up to your wife, you’ve made her to see how secure she is with you.it doesn’t matter her bad you were beofore.if she truely loves you she will always think and talk about a way out. There is no need to fantasize.@pumpkin…..there is a foundamental problem there.she is cheating becuase of something wrong.until that issue is delt with she wont stop.what are the issues,maybe she doesn’t enjoy sex with her hubby, he is not as handsome as the other,she is paying him back for wrong deeds.she can still go back and be talk to.if need be the person she having the affair with can be talk to us.
emma&debby said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 9:56
the truth about fantasies is that it is a device of the devil to distract one from ones goal of happiness and causes illusion of maddness and downplay realities .If one can not discuss inner feelings with ones spouse then how come you ended up with such a person who in your heart is a stranger? the truth is that most people now get married for very wrong reasons.
THE DIGNITY OF EVERY HOME LAYS IN THE HEADS OF THE WOMEN ONCES A WOMAN BECOMES UNSTABLE (MORALLY OR SEXUALLY) THAT HOME IS GONE UNLESS THERE IS A STRONG INTERVENTION FROM HEAVEN.
It is very surprising that today wifes and mothers are more morally bankrupt than men.what to contest? check Nigerian musical videos,(unnecessary sexual exposures )
that is why 80% of celebraties can not hold there marriage for more than 2 years ,GOD HELP US
Bridget said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 11:57
Emotional cheating or fantasy as you call it is a common habit across all age brackets and fantasies are not necessarily bad depending on what it is that you fantasize upon. One could fantasize on so many different issues but then again the degree to which you carry your fantasies is what needs to be looked at and also when your fantasies can impact negatively on your relationships with God, with family,your spouse etc.
If you fantasize that you want to live in a bigger house, have a better job, be married to a wealthy man etc it is not bad in itself except your fantasies drive you to desperation to the point that you want to steal, kill or generally do things that are not in line with the word of God, then you have a problem. hmm, sexual fantasies which is the main focus of this discourse is extremely harmful especially when you are married.why would i fantasize about someone who is not my spouse.it simply means i am discontent with my spouse in one area or the other.think about it.i must be wishing or desiring smth from someone else that i think or believe that my spouse is unable to give me. ssooo i fantasize. The truth is no man or woman is perfect so if you think your spouse is imperfect well guess what ? so are you. The 80/20 rule talks about how we have 80% of what we want in a person but complain and fantasize about the 20% that we dont have. I can bet you that if you decide to leave the 80% that you have, you’ll only end up with 20%. Men and women don’t think that fantasizing will solve your problems by thinking,i cannot cheat so all i can do is fantasize.am afraid you have only ended up putting your mind in a jail cell.why would you want to live life like that.Give your heart to the maker.Your Lord God and invite Jesus to heal you and if you truly commit to solving your problems by seeing a counsellor and praying about it.You will be set free.
Chima Ahaiwe said on Thursday, January 14, 2010, 16:33
@Pumpkin.. In my honest opinion, she should not have married her hubby, if she was going to be cheating on him with anoda. The Question is; how are we sure the pregnancy is even for her husband and not the oda guy's? Will definitely be praying for your friend. this is pure bondage.
rina said on Friday, January 15, 2010, 12:43
@Chima, Hmmmm!!!!!…… See we all get to a crossroads in our lives where we need some good advice. She needs help not criticism……
TeeKay said on Friday, January 15, 2010, 15:40
To be sincere most married women that are fantasising were not been satisfied by there Husbands.Fantasy to me mean nothing once you are satisfied nd u re ok by it.
olayinka said on Saturday, January 16, 2010, 17:04
i feel fantasy is just out 2 destroy happy homes because when a married person begins to fantasy about his or her ex it becomes a problem, i feel its more spiritual than we think,so only prayers that is needed for this kind of situation. am 23 yrs old
mmalove said on Thursday, February 11, 2010, 16:36
Chaz B, I need to ur help. i was a relnationship with a guy 4 two an half yrs, for d two an half yrs tins went on well, later i notice changes in him, he broke-up our relnationship i believe d mum put so much pressure on him, cos another lady he told me dat d were dating bf he left for d universtiy. After four month he came back begging me, i till love dis guy an i know he loves me too, He has develop some jealousy in him, he hate when i talk abt someone else, i hv told him let us be friends, but dat he doesn’t one dat. please i really need ur advice Chaz B. Pls am sorry i would like to memtioned my name.