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Saturday, July 31, 2010 |
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Time Wasters In Relationships
Monday, November 23, 2009, 22:30
This news item was posted in Relationships category and has 35 Comments so far.
This goes out to all Men and Women that have suffered time wasting in the name of relationships. This is a situation in which when one of the two lovers in a relationship knows deep within him/herself that there is no possibilities of marriage in the so long commited relationship without disclosing it to the other, thereby wasting their time and sending away other suitors.
Quite a number of Men and Women have complained bitterly of this sad acts. What are the reasons responsible for these kinds of acts? Please enlighten us;
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35 Responses to “Time Wasters In Relationships”
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tony ebelo said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 5:26
Chaz B, several reasons could be responsible for this.
Firstly, refusing to listen to the inner voice within you.Most of the time we think we can buy love,so we do things just to pleased the other person at time the other person might even play along only for the relationship to hit the rock and we cry saying the person was unfaithful. The problem with this group is that they refuse to listen to their inner voice.
Secondly, do not attach strings to relationship. Love that person just because you love him. When you love for certain conditions you place such relationship in a tight coner, every one struggles to meet these conditions only to fall apart along the way.
Autobot-Sam said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 8:46
Hey Big Chaz, Howdy…..well, "time wasting" happens ok. You have a galfriend/wife. . .other famales know about it….but see you "Niceness"..(hey i am a nice guy lol) as an invitation to hook up with you….the more NO you say…the more they want yah…..i have a couple os gals(…ok 3…no 4) to be precice…sitting on my case as i write….Time ans Time again, they cry in my arms …oh how all the nice guyz are taken…..but they just wont let go….in that wise….am i to take blame for there being single?…its an informed choice they made…..i was outright open with my relationship status from the get go….they still chose ME…..
LINDA said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 8:46
When you have an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit, you will know who truly loves you. You do not need to seek people's opinion. 1 Samuel 16 v 7 "For the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart." No one can pretend to you or waste your time.
The reasons are best known to those involved in the act. BEWARE!!!!!
princesslizzy said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 10:15
@Autobot-Sam l think she is entitled to her opinion and l think on this site fowl languages are not allowed, please.Timer waster l was never involve so l wouldnt know what toc ontribute but just to read comments and guide others. Thanks
taiwo said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 10:43
hey mr Nice guy! i fall in the same category. i think the ladies dont just want the truth. Presently am in a situation, am getting married soon, she knows my fiancee, its hard for her to see am getting married. She wants me.. I always ring it into her hears we cant date. i even tried talking her out, by getting some cool guy.. all went into her voice mail. she was mad.. i just have to be sincere.. cant do it. Ladies should just understand the truth…dont be played on
OZIEGBE said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 12:47
Chaz B,i really love your programm,i have never had the opportunity to call…..Yesterday topic was really interesting. Let me tell you mine,how i waited for this guy for 6yrs,we where together b4 he left for UK,e introduced to all his family,made them believe that he was going to marry me,and each time they ask me when are you ppl staying your preparation,i was always supprise at the question, cos he said we cant get married not on till i look for a way to join him in UK,that there's nothing he can do from there,leter he said that i should go and write WAEC so i can become a nurse cos his a DOCTOR,i did,do this i'll do do that i'll do,etc.but everytime i give him ideal how i can make it,e always discard it,not on till this yr i said i'll do it my self he agree with me or not,so i went ahead,August this year i told him i was going to apply for the visa,the story changed,and from one arguement to another, now is over……
OZIEGBE said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 12:51
B'cos he was in UK,i refuse to socialize,i was trying to be a good girl,all the other ppl that was coming my way,i put them away,cos i thought he was going to come back to me,i kept my world,to wait for him,now i dont have anyone,only a femele friend,i dont have anyone to hang out with,my life is just work home,eat and sleep,monday till sunday……CHAZ B,some guys are just wicked,if you dont want a girl,tell her to go,stop pretend to her,if you change your mind along the line,let her know….everybody keep saying just move on but the truth is,is not easy,i have being trying to forget about him,but it has not been easy. Is really sad
oziegbe said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 13:10
he should have told me that he has found someone else,rather than lying to me that there's nothing he can do to get me over. some guys are just wicked,and money can make them change their actitude….this is someone that pleaded with me to wait in 2003 b4 he got the visa,when he brought up the ideal that e was going to write his plab exam,i said go but i'm not going to wait like other girls that we should end the relationship he said we where going to get married,even came to my house begging ,crying ,but after he got the visa he said i should pls wait for him that we cant get married,i should wait. he lied.
raindrops said on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, 13:31
Moving on is a must, if you have been disappointed in this way. This is because your situation becomes worse if you don't. And look to God, He is the greatest Comforter.
ebimietei said on Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 13:32
oziegbe,
the truth is, you have to move on, though is not easy girl but there is nothing u can do about it. I still believe that God has good plans for u. Believe that as you are waiting God is molding your man for u. Another thing u should know is that, u know what God saved u from. Just trust Him for a better person.
ngozi said on Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 20:20
NGOZI
that is the simple truth,we women dont listen/ pay attention to red flaggs.we tends to ignore and in the end.we are always at the receiving end.if u found yourself in such road that leads to no where.do a U turn as it will never lead u to ur destination
chychy said on Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 21:52
i listened to the show n i must say i learned quite a lot. i have experienced sth like that but thank God i eventually did c the light. like someone said, the signs are there, it's just that we are too afraid to let go because sincerely if he did get married to the woman in question, it'll prolly b outta pity and before you know it the union will hit the rocks.
just said on Thursday, November 26, 2009, 17:58
Yeah, money does change people. Imagine believing in someone who had nothing and didn't believe so much in himself, a struggler but a promising one. Against all odds, she sticks with him thru thick and thin while he hustles supporting him spiritually, physically, intellectually and financially when the need arose during the years they were together, even with the families involved. All the while planning a future with her. She helps him stabilize and he finally lands a job that would pay him 3 times her salary. She paid for his work clothes/outfit so he would look good on the job. Barely a month working, he walks out of her life. sounds like a time waster to me, making promises he had no intention of keeping, using her till he got what he wanted. Now he's living large, keeping as many girls he likes, sighted by her family and friends with girls while she licks the wound inflicted on her spirit and soul. A person who wastes your time is out to waste your life. Your time is your life. Ladies, no matter how old you are and how long you've been waiting to get your own man and home, don't settle for a man who does not value time
just said on Thursday, November 26, 2009, 18:03
;they'll term you a desperado if you want the relationship spelled out and moved to the next level, but you'll be the better for it if you show that you know exactly what you want, they'll term you too assertive if you do. Pray that the Lord who joined bone to bone in the Bible, will join you to the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. There are a lot of pretenders out there, they ain't going nowhere and they won't let you get to where you are headed. these are the last days, wolves in sheep's clothing right next to you in church, lifting up "holy hands". They are only there to make you fall from grace, ladies and gentlemen, let's be careful.
rosemary said on Friday, November 27, 2009, 9:56
hi chaz b am a regular listener, i luv ur programme,i was touched in one wayor the other,why should a guy who has a fiancee get into another relationship,knowing fully well he is goin to hurt some body out there,men are just wicked,ladies should plz shine thier eyes.rosy 4rm ikeja.keep the gud work
Margaret B said on Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 12:32
hi chaz b, this is margaret, have been listening to your programmes,though have been given the opportunity to contribute in my own little way,but all the same, it's been a blessing to so many lives and i pray that God will continue to give u all the wisdom and understanding to minister to as many lives the needs to be touched out there…………………………………charley……….charley………….gud job…………..
khoray said on Wednesday, December 2, 2009, 12:50
i agree with u let there be more honest and focused people like u
angie said on Friday, December 11, 2009, 12:21
some guys are just wicked, we started from nothing, till he left the country , ask me to wait. imagin waiting for someone for 6yrs, if you has found someone else or stop loving the person,e should have said it rather than pretending that everything ting is ok. when there’s no money, they’ll liove you to a fault, but when they start making money, you become inferior to them. God will visit them.
dee girl said on Friday, December 11, 2009, 16:00
well chaz b in my own case am 2yrs older but i dont knw wat 2 do
angie said on Friday, December 11, 2009, 17:19
my dear, pls allow me to say sommthing, i dont see anthing wrong with the age, the most important thing is that you love him and respect him . if you love him you’ll respect him, but if you dont see yourself repecting him,then there’s problem.
Folashade said on Friday, December 11, 2009, 22:36
To Oziegbe, i read ur post and feel so sorry about that.please just keep praying and sort out the VIsa stuff.i belief God will never leave u or forsake you and he will strengthen you because he never fails.
Some guys don't come out straight to ladies likewise some ladies hate to hear the truth when the guy say he is not ready for any relationship.We just need to open our eyes and any decision we take regarding relationship is base on us to face the consequence either good or bad.
oluwatobi said on Sunday, December 13, 2009, 19:07
i just dont understand why some guys cant just say the truth.it wont hurt anyone.
Chima said on Monday, December 14, 2009, 22:55
Oziegbe, it is well. i think i understand what you are going through because am trying to recover from it myself. Mine was a relationship that has been going off and on about 3 years. Six months ago, i decided to put an end to it. When i spoke with the guy, he begged for a second chance, that things will be better but just last week, he said he was still trying to see if what we had would grow and i just told him thanks and decided to move on with my life. If a guy is not ready for relationships, he should say it and stop playing with people's emotion.
Holuphunke said on Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 5:56
when a guys trully wants you, he would never do anything to hurt you….sometimes we see the signs but we tend to ignore it for the sake of love….
now i know better…there is no love anywhere. you can only love yourself
mary said on Wednesday, December 16, 2009, 1:57
yes, you are right about the fact that a man who wants you would never do anything to hurt you.
no matter how much you have been hurt, dont give up on love. true love still exists, it s just scare (l guess?)
l still believe in love anyway.
if a man is already showing some negative signs just walk away, dont think he's going to change. save the extra weeks/months/years waiting for him to change to do something else more beneficial.
notice a lot of ladies give up on their social lives, refuse to take care of themselves, not eat or sleep well and waste time worrying or talking about a guy who does not give a hoot about them. its pointless.
its hard to realize this on time until a lot of time has been wasted already. however, if u r in this situation, just be brave to call it quits and pray to God to bring your bone of your bones.
x.
mary
joules said on Thursday, December 17, 2009, 16:45
such is life,b4 jumping into any relationship,pls let us try and know the botton line
nene said on Friday, December 18, 2009, 21:24
time wasters are all around us!if it happens to you cry if you have but please move on!am talking from experience!good luck guys!and to you chaz B weldone! you are good!say hi to Deola for me!
mary said on Saturday, December 19, 2009, 0:00
Holuphuke
yes, you are right about the fact that a man who wants you would never do anything to hurt you.
no matter how much you have been hurt, dont give up on love. true love still exists, it s just scare (l guess?)
l still believe in love anyway.
if a man is already showing some negative signs just walk away, dont think he's going to change. save the extra weeks/months/years waiting for him to change to do something else more beneficial.
notice a lot of ladies give up on their social lives, refuse to take care of themselves, not eat or sleep well and waste time worrying or talking about a guy who does not give a hoot about them. its pointless.
its hard to realize this on time until a lot of time has been wasted already. however, if u r in this situation, just be brave to call it quits and pray to God to bring your bone of your bones.
x.
mary
Perence said on Saturday, December 19, 2009, 10:30
I was in a relationship for four year, after three years together we got engaged, he took me to his family and they said to me that they dont like pple from my place that they have had several bad experiences with my pple. Initially i thought it was one of the marriage challenges that would blow thru…… but the persisted, My fiancee insisted and even came as far as coming to see my pple and asking for my hand in marraige.
He came with his cousin and a couple of friends.
perence said on Saturday, December 19, 2009, 10:30
He told my family not to worry that his pple would come arud, but guess wat? they never did…. after a while he became withdrawn and he even stopped calling. Eventually he told me he didnt think he could go on with the whole thing that he wanted call off the engagement, and that was it. I cried i felt my whole world was coming to an end, but i thank God for being God, and i also thank him for my job. I threw myself into work. Its been two years now i have gotten over it but i have not had a relationship since then. I am 31 now i am even getting worried all i can think of is how i wasted the better part of my eligible life on him…………………. is there hope for me i seem to be the only single gal of my age arud my life where did i go wrong?
angie said on Wednesday, December 30, 2009, 15:44
MY NAME IS OZIEGBE. Well the end has finally come, within two month he said he said he has found a wife, and right now, his in Naija , didnt know all this while that he has a chating friend dat he want to marry, now they are in the village together. my 6yrs has become a wast………..it has not been really easy…i just believe in God that my ending will be grater than my beginning….back to the market….how do one start again….with God there’s always a way…..his the God of all posibility…ppl keep saying read light, sometimes there’s no red light. is the truth.
angie said on Wednesday, December 30, 2009, 16:57
all the excuse for me to come to UK was just a lie.
ANNONYMOUS said on Monday, January 25, 2010, 3:49
Hello Chaz B,
I must say that your show has truly been an eye opener on certain issues. I had tried to call in during the show several times but i never had the luck to get through. I m a female and judging myself from a neutral view, i m wasting the time of my boyfriend. Its a long story but i ll start from somewhere. I m sooooo guilty of this!!!
We have been together for a year plus. We were best buddies and decided to take it to the next level thinking the same friendship will apply. We had an extremely rocky time and he had flings during our relationship which was barely 2 months until i discovered his various girls with various stories. that was not the only problem, he came over to spend xmas and new year with me and he kept making extremely long calls to a particular girl while sitting with me in the same room and laughin so hard. He apologised n said that he wanted to make me feel bad cos i never bow to negative pressure. My heart felt like it was sawed. but i kept a strong face.
Before i prayed too hard about us, i already had 2 solid dreams that were revelations about him. I also lacked inner peace so i told him about my dreams and in essence i know God was speaking to me to let go.
Chaz B, i found it sooooooo difficult to let go. Later, on another occassion, he told me that in other to cover up for a female friend(they had sexual history) at church who wanted to get another man that accussed her of promise to marry off her back , he asked her to submit his name at her church saying that they wre engaged. Again i was SHOCKED!!!
I knew that i was not in love with this guy, no trust, i do not look up to him(i dont show it to him though), he does not inspire me, physically and spiritually, even academically. I told him on the phone that i wanted out. We cried a lot. I was pained bcos i couldnt understand what i had done to deserve the ill treatment and lack of respect from him. I cried for the friendship(i value deep and open friendship to the extent that i teach how to understand my way of thinking. I feel good knowing that someone can say, this is what i can or cannot do) Anyway, he beggged and begged and i stood on my grounds. I had been planning to come back home to work for 3 months. We had both looked forward to it cos we ll get to experience the relatiop on ground not on phone. I was broke and didnt want to call home for money. One day he called and said that he had been a part of my coming home plan so he ll send me money that i ll refund part of after selling the stuff i wanted to buy. I said ok. I needed it, i didnt ask, it was too late to change my 3 month plan co i had gotten a placement with a Company. Now this is where i messed up…
annonymous said on Monday, January 25, 2010, 3:53
I was suppossed to stay with my female friend for a few short while before sorting out my place but i still felt that his place will better. Afterall we an talk but nothing more. i believe in NO SEX B4 marriage and i had told him that. I dont know what happenned but i became sooooooooo weak and compromised big time. SHAME ON ME!!!! We wwent over to his Mum's to pick something and he said to her "meet my girlfriend" when we left he asked if it was okay by me. I was vexed and he knew it cos we didnt have any re union boyfriend girlfriend talk b4 taking me to Mama but judging by my closeness and compromise and some sacrifices from him i said "of course its okay by me". H stumbled on wht i had written on my broken emotions when he disrespected me and did differnt stuffs with diferent girls. 'he had always thought that i was ashamed of him, why??? i dunno. Anyway he apologised so much on a certain nite. When i asked why, he said that now he knows how much he has hurt me. I m back to this guy for no apparent reason but laziness, He wants me so much for some reasons that i know. During my 3 months plus stay, he made sure that i was comfortable at my place and would visit regularly. that got me used to him again but the trust has been broken. I dont trust him much, i m not crazy about him, my hearrt does not quiver in his sight or at his thought. I do not see myself marrying him and i m back again. He wants to tie the knot with me so fast, i have told him that i will most probably not marry him and he understands and shares my reasons concerning my past experience with him and fear of future happenings.
How do i tell him that we have to quit since there s no future. i never hid my intentions of 95% chance of not marrying him. I want the best for him and would like to see him happy. i think he doesnt deserve me now cos my heart is sooo cold, locked up and protective. I dont trust him like i should. he is hoping that one day my heart will open up.
How do i handle this Chaz B??? I want out. He is doing everything nice in the world to make me happy, and doesnt mind my new cold attitude. Though i have forced myself several times, i do not feel love anywhere in my heart for him. I m not holding grudges. i just cant seem to get excited about anything that has to do with us. He prays that i trust him again and says that to me. I dont want to hurt him but i m hurting myself and him by staying longer in the r/ship especially as he cant wait to get married. Regardless of these other issues, we are not compatible.We are not just compatible. I dont think i shd break it up again on the phone. One of the main distractions is getting married and i feel that part of the reason that he s putting so much into us is bcos sh s getting hooked amongst other reasons. My friends think i m being crazy that i should walk out and let other people into my life. Please advise me on what to do and how to handle it. God bless you!!
inikpi said on Saturday, June 26, 2010, 17:56
Hi chaz B ,the truth is,the red flag always comes,but ladies would want to shy away from realities in this regard.I was invoived with a guy based abroad who turned out to be a time waster,he never proposed,though kept emphasing the fact that our relationship was at commitment level,i initiate the calls and dont get any gift from him each time he visits which is usually once in a year,along the line,i came up with an idea of making him believe i had other suitors ,to make him define the relation,his response was shocking,"i won't want to say any thing about that he replied"i read in between the lines and moved on.Ini