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Relationships With Fathers, Bad or Testimony?
Fathers, never take your role as fatherhood lightly. It is you that determines the way that children act and behave in the society. A true father is not just to impregnate a woman and go, but one who takes control of the role of the father. Only the Men can stand up and take the role of a father. God placed you in the leadership role. The prevalence of divorce and single parent families also contributes to this discouraging situation. With father’s absence a major fact of family structure, it’s no surprise that we find a vast majority of single parent families headed by mothers and the minority by fathers.
Phone Chats:
Olaitan: Polygamy is not a good thing. Since my Dad married a second wife, things has not been going fine in my family any more. It has been hard for myself, my mom and my siblings.
Leonard: My Dad is simply a mess up, he is a successful man, works the Julius Berger company, but since he took a second wife, everything turned upside down in the family. He neglected my mom and my siblings making it very hard for us to pay our tuition fees, feeding and clothings. why he chose to get a second wife, we dont know. I just know how some men reason, how can you have kids still growing up and all of a sudden decide to abondon them and settle down with another woman.. It is very disheartening. Polygamy is indeed a bad thing, it has greatly affected my family. I am 25 years old, and its hard for me to go back to school now because i have to help my mom and take care of my siblings.
Nnamdi: Fathers should cultivate the habit of an effective communication with their kids, it helps to a large extent in their social lives. Most expects much from their kids without impacting positive things in to them. It doesn’t work like that, you can’t give what you don’t have. Charity they say starts at home.
Dayo: I am from a polygamous family of 4 wives, my Mom is the 3rd wife. My Mom moved out of my father’s house with us when we were still young. When i asked my Dad why My Mom had to move out of his house, he said nothing, just as if nothing happened. Since my Mom left him, he never cared about our wellbeing, he neither called nor sponsors our education. But i thank God for his grace, despite how he treated us, i didn’t keep a grudge with him. I forgave him since the day we moved out of his house. During my youth service year, i had a strong feeling to go and check up on my Dad, and when he saw me, he addressed me as if we had been living together all the while, he didn’t talk about how i have been coping with my life, instead, he was telling me about some pains he is having in his leg. Before i finished my NYSC, i got the news that my Dad had passed away. I was surprised, but at the same time i was happy because, if i had kept grudges with him, i wouldn’t have been able to make peace with him. I am married now with kids. I don’t totally agree that it has to do with polygamy, it has to do with individuals. I simply think My Dad had acted based on his own understanding of raising kids..
Stephen: I want to advice those who still have their fathers to appreciate them. I lost my Dad when i was in secondary and i miss having him around.
Mr X: With due respect, i want to disagree with Stephen, he is just being myopic about his experience with fathers. I have one of the most useless Dad in the world. I don’t want to go into details. He should speak for himself and generalise his experience with his Dad.
Funmi: I don’t know where to start. My father is never around, he travels a lot. He had in one of his trips. We marked his 70th birthday for him and he doesn’t appreciate it at all. He says we have not done anything for him. This is a man that has never been around to take care of his wife and kids. My Mom sponsored me through school and my other siblings. He is just an absentee Dad.
Fathers’ absence is pathological and severely affects the abandoned son’s capacity for self-esteem and intimacy. Many adult kids abandoned by their fathers have difficulties developing and sustaining self-esteem, forming lasting emotional attachments, recognizing their feelings or being expressive with their adult partners and children. These men must turn their attention toward their absent fathers and resolve the mystery of these absence to ensure that their current intimate relationships can succeed. The reasons for fathers’ absence are paramount as this dictates the effects on their kids.
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GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE BECAUSE OUT OF IT FLOWS THE ISSUES OF LIFE
10 Responses to “Relationships With Fathers, Bad or Testimony?”
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Onyx said on Thursday, October 29, 2009, 16:03
For me, my relationship with my father is both (good and bad). Growing-up was hell with my Dad, he is a disciplinarian and he has this possessive attitude to life. Most of us were far away from him but took our solace in our Mom, but on the long run, after some bad experiences with him; i just discovered he is himself and i am me. So i made up my mind to love him for whom he is and we were coping and we discovered each other. It was wonderful and i was so happy and proud of him but suddenly i lost him to death so we had more of bad times together than good times. I MISSED HIM DEARLY EVERYDAY. So friends, most of time its misunderstanding and what i will call juvenile deliquency, we should try and work on ourselves before concluding that our father is bad. Most of the times it is not as we think. God help us all.
shodexy said on Saturday, October 31, 2009, 16:24
I believe that closeness between father and child is very important.A father has to be close to his children all the time.
temitope said on Tuesday, November 10, 2009, 13:26
for me i believe having second or many wives is a room for break up in families,got an exprience if not that my dad got married to another wife i colud have love him for who he was, but the love was no more and it was so difficult to love him till am speaking i dont like seeing my dad tough have forgiven him but MY BODY still not comfortable wit him.Which has cause me lot of confusion.
i dont no what to do again
Akinwande said on Thursday, November 19, 2009, 13:15
Am happy to contribute on this topics. most of us should learn to think deeply before concluding on the type of father we have. As a young boy, I used to think that my father is wicked but on the contrary, growing up I discovered that he actually mold me to the kind of person I am today, Am not scared of any human being, I can achieve anything I want, He made me believe in myself and today am proud to say that I love my father, he's a wonderful person, A disciplinarian, tough………………. He has paid his due and its my turn to reciprocate. Peace.
Aaronhall said on Thursday, December 17, 2009, 9:59
The role of a father can not be underestimated, for those who have father should ensure that all is going on with both.
doris_doosh said on Friday, January 8, 2010, 23:14
Well, different people have different opinions about fathers depending on the relationship they had with their dad. i had a lovely dad, tough a disciplinarian cos he wanted the best of and from me. I actually looked forward to getting married becos of the way he related with my mom. Unfortunately i married someone far from being a model of my father and my father is now late, so i miss him so much. HEY DAD, wherever u are right now, i want to say i am proud i had u as a Dad.
Ibiye Alalibo said on Saturday, January 9, 2010, 17:05
I've got two fathers. Biological and adopted. The first one abandoned me while I was still in the womb with 5 others alive; my elder ones (4 boys and 1 girl). He categorically told my mum that with this last pregnancy, that's me inside, she's going to suffer! What a human! My mom saw all of us through school, at least secondary level. He never showed up, not even to claim his 4 sons. He's still alive today, waiting to reap where he has not sown. Some of my brothers have indeed gone looking for him saying they needed to know their roots, nothing but trouble came out of it. I never felt his absence because my mom was providing adequately for us though it wasn't rosy all the way.
Four years ago, my Daddy adopted me. It's with his coming I see all I'd missed because he's a father indeed. We (biological and adopted(5)), we tell him his the best, the bomb, the man… name it. He's a man full of wisdom, he gives his children the freedom to be themselves, we are at home with him, even when we offend him, he forgives without recounting your sins to you. He has a big heart, apart from we the children, we've others that live with us and he's a father to them as well. I told him once that he's like a big tree giving shelter to the birds of the air. One of my sister calls him "God sent", other times I tel him he's an angel. He's a christain and a pastor, a true follower of Christ. Although, I'll soon be married now, I'm so grateful to God to receive the love of an earthly father. I've come to realise that my relationship with my father will affect me greatly in my marriage. I've learnt a lot from him, had I gotten married without experiencing the love of a father, my marriage would have been a ship wreck! Not because of my own doing, but because of my subconscious mind or so. Don't really know how to put it. I've learnt to be soft towards the man i would marry, submit to him, love him, serve him etc. My dad takes time to teach us all these because he believes in the institution of marriage and that couples can be and should be happy. Before this time, my mum had always told us that because she had a bad marriage does not mean there are no good marriages and she encouraged us to believe in that. She's always happy to see happily married couples and says she doesn't wish even her enemy a failed marriage. Also, I have a great relationship with my mum. Even before my adoption, I gave her no troubles. We're still close. Family friends call us "5 and 6", "twins", mummy's handbag" and all. I love my mum and dad!
In all, there are good fathers and terrible ones! We pray for the best and I would like to appeal to everyone on this forum, lets seek to be the best, whether as fathers or as mothers to our children, so the world can gradually become a safe haven.
Emperor said on Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 12:21
Relationship with either Father or mother is very important for the wellbeing of a child. That was why God instituted marriage (family) for the child’s upbringing for a better society. If any of these relationships is missing, the child will surfer and it will take the special grace of God for healing to take place in the life of such a child to save the society.
Mine is an example of such healing. I will not say I had the worst Dad ever, but he was not just a responsible father. I struggled to pass through secondary school which I will not want to go into detail. It was not a polygamous family but my dad had several mistresses outside. My mum had to go through a lot to take care of us because my father was not supportive; it was like a master-savant kind of relationship with him. You can not play when he is around, you just have to fine a place and sit quietly or he will accuse you of disturbance. The first day and the only day my dad said “how are you” in response to my greeting was surprising to me. My mum always said that God has allowed us to pass through that so that our children will not pass through it, though I lost my mum some years ago, but I still hold on to that, my children will not pass through what I did. I thank God that I survived. I was able by his grace to sponsor myself through higher institution, I am now working and soon to get married to a lady who believe so much in the family unit. Through the word of God, teachings and materials I have read, I am sure I will be a good father.
Chidiebere said on Monday, January 25, 2010, 17:34
My father is the best man one can have as a father. It was quite unfortunate that I lost my Dad when I was entering into the secondary school. I really enjoyed my father while he was alive. My only regret was that the time I needed to tap from his wealth of experience and wisdom, he was no where to be found. Every thing I am to my children is the wisdom I got from the bible. I have promised myself that my children will not suffer and I also promised God that I will give them the best of knowledge. I tried my best to play with them, review their studies and take them out occasionally. No matter how stressful my job is, I tried my best to devote time to be with them. I want them to have the best of me. If they don’t learn from you, then, other people outside the family will teach them.
vznzoehk said on Thursday, February 11, 2010, 18:31
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