In an ideal family, familial relationships travel through their various difficult stages and developments, ultimately finding a resulting place of peace, understanding and resolution. We would all like to think that virtually all familial relationships especially with mothers are worth fighting for but what if they are not?. What if your mother is enormously injurious, caustic and toxic that the idea of having a modicum of contact would be a pleasure at best? For many, this is a choice they have to wrestle with, sometimes over the course of many painful years and even once the choice is made, the pain and guilt still remains. Mothers are meant to be the closest to the kids of the parents. But what if your mother turns out to be the problem of your life, what would you do and how will you handle the situation?

Today’s discussion is basically for people having or have had unpleasant relationships with their mothers…

Phone Chats:

Chioma: I and my Mother had a wonderful relationship, though we fight, quarrel but we  are still best of friends. She is late now, she died on my birthday. She suffered from diabetes, broken hip and blindness. My Mom was a great woman, supportive caring but she could be a pain in the butt sometimes. I just want to use this media to tell everyone out there to make peace with their Mothers’ in case they are having problems with them. They should know that their Mothers’ love them and they must be loved in return. Parents are meant to scold their kids to bring out the best in them.  I was with my Mom when she passed away, i miss her so much and love her so much.

Nkechi: My Mom is a very pleasant mother, she has always been there for me when i need her. She is the best in the world. She was with during the delivery of my first kid. I have no bad experience with my Mom.

Remi: My Mom raised 7 kids all by herself, our Dad left our Mom a very long time ago. My Mom was just a teacher, she lived her life for us so that we could have the best of education so as to have a bright future. I appreciate her so much.

Ogoh: I dont really have problems with my Mom, but My Mom always give my Dad problems and as a result they quarrel almost every time. My friends and my Mom says am too naughty and i know i acquired the naughty nature from my Mom from the  concurrent quarrels and fights she had with my Dad.

Anonym: My died 2 weeks ago and i have been finding it so hard to believe that she is gone. We quarrel once a while. But when she passed away in an auto crash, it dawned on me that you don’t appreciate what you have until you loose it. Deep within me, i feel hurt because i didnt get the opportunity to appreciate her more than how i have been to her.

Anony: I have a very terrible relationship with my Mom. My Mom had me outside wedlock when she was just 16 yrs old, I grew up with my Father and her family. My Mom doesnt care about me, i even went out of my way to look for her, and when she saw me, she wasn’t emotional about it, she was just there staring at me like some stranger from somewhere. I felt so bad about it. I just wonder what could have happened to make her treat me with so much disdain. I feel so much dislike for her now, because i cant comprehend why a mother wouldn’t care about her own child.’

Anon: I have a crude relationship with my Mom, she treats me with so much disrespect and always wants to be bring the old traditional values into my lifestyle. I cant go out to see my friends, let alone recieve visitors, even she scolds me or beats me up if she sees me with a male friend. She is just a freak, she turned my Dad against me and also turned me against my Dad. I don’t know why she is doing this to me.

Yemisi: I am from a family with 6 kids, but my Mom is not just the pleasant type. I give her so much trouble, we are just so incompatible. She is late now, and i was made to understand by my siblings that i have always given her problems. She travelled abroad to spend time with my sisters in the USA, but she took ill over there and died. When i heard the news, i was heartbroken and cried so bitterly because i was keeping malice with her when she left the country for the USA. I never knew i loved her until she died. During the lying in state when her corpse was brought back to Nigeria, i was just staring at her and crying because i didn’t have the opportunity to make peace with her. Up till now, i still feel bad with myself, it is a stigma i have to live with. People should learn to forgive anyone that offends them.

Chineye: Chioma the first caller is my Sister. I always quarrel with my Mom, we fight often, i caused her the broken hip that led to her death. But i am grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to make peace with her. Her last 2 weeks was very pleasant, we grew so close and got to talk about so many things that we have never had the chance to talk about.  It was actually 2 weeks of pleasant reconciliation. I miss her so much.

*** My mother is just a self centered woman, all she cares about is nothing but herself. She is neither to nice to me, my siblings nor our father. My relationship with her has always been the patchy type. If she dies today, i doubt if i would be moved, because she has not impacted me in any way. My only fear for her is that, if she dies now with her kind of  attitude, it’s not likely she makes heaven. I am married and have 2 kids that i love so much as well as my husband. My mother had a very caring mother, but its unexplainable her attitude towards her kids and husband.

Chaz B: I have an unpleasant aunt, she is so terrible that we nicknamed her HELL RAZOR !!

**** Lots of things could be responsible for the negative attitudes of some mothers, it could be from a doctrine/trend transferred generationally****

These could help to build a better relationship with mothers;

Think of them as a fellow adults or kids, rather than as your parents,

Talk to your mothers as friends,

Have a good sense of humour,

Tell her what bothers you,

look for common activities,

Be honest about who you are and what you want,

Express your appreciation for all your mother have done for you,

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GUARD YOUR HEART WITH ALL DILIGENCE BECAUSE OUT OF IT FLOWS THE ISSUES OF LIFE